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Dan is finally pain free and at peace


MaryJo

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Dan passed away Monday, June 17. He was at home and he is finally out of pain and at peace. I am ok. I've been grieving for four years over the loss of the man I married; now I'm grieving over the loss of the man he became four years ago. He made me laugh right up the the end, I think that's what I will miss the most, he could make me angry one second and laugh the next. Even post stroke he had such a quick, dry sense of humor. He was a lot of things, but he was the most honest, dependable, responsible man I've ever known. He was by best friend.

 

He was such an angry man after the stroke which was very difficult to deal with and accept because he was not like that pre-stroke. He was joking right up to the day before he passed. Now for the hard part...what do I do with myself? Right now I've got a lot to do but that will eventually end. His family is spread out so there will be a memorial mass the end of July when they can all gather. Then there's all the paperwork that, I'm sure will go on for a long time. He was in the hospital or nursing home for almost two months before he came home this last time so I'm sure the finality of it won't hit me for another week or two and will really hit me after the memorial mass. I know for a while my mind will still be planning my activities and errands around Dan's schedule. I've been doing that for so long. Right now I'm keeping busy with notifying people, obituary, funeral home, what do I do with his ashes, what do I do with the unused meds and supplies, hospital bed, wheelchair, ramp van, etc. etc. etc. I know most of this can be done at any time. I want to wait a while for the personal things because I need to save some memories and not be sorry later that I got rid of something that I really wanted.

 

Jeff has been great. He too is emotionally drained. Dan and I both became emotionally attached to Jeff and he to us. He spent the night Sunday because it was apparent that Dan didn't have much longer. He was there until the end and he's been here every day since organizing and straightening Dan's room, helping me decide what to donate/give away now and what to hold onto for later. He has been such a wonderful support. The responsibility of being Jeff's source of income has been heavy on my mind for the last couple of months but it has all worked out. I have a friend who's husband has a brain injury after being hit by a car 16 years ago. Jeff will be working full time for them. I am so relieved and happy for both of them. I know that we will stay in touch with each other. Of course, I keep reminding him that I'm MUCH nicer than Donna, then he reminds me that Donna does have a lake house where Ron spends a lot of time in the summer! lol I will miss him.

 

God bless and my sincere thanks to all of you at StrokeNet for the wonderful support I've received. Love to all of you.

 

Mary Jo

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Mary Jo, my heart breaks for you. I hope things unfold at the right pace and things will eventually make sense again. Please let us know how you fare in the future, I will be thinking of you. Colleen

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Mary Jo, so sorry to read of Dan's passing. You have been a diligent and caring spouse helping him to the best of your ability all these years. I am so glad you have help and support right now as this must be so overwhelming.

 

Dan is at peace now with no more pain. Please take care and give yourself time to mourn and adjust.

 

((hugs)) Julie

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Oh my dear, my heart too breaks for you. So long a caregiver, so long a lovong wife. Now your man is at peace and a blank life is ahead of you. For now busyness is filling your life, friends are milling around and that is as it should be. People should support you during this sad time.

 

Mary Jo so much to do and then suddenly nothing to do, that was my experience of losing Ray last September. For now let others do what has to be done. Sit, relax, smile at happy memories, weep over sad ones, whatever you feel like doing, do that. Dan is at peace and beyond pain. You need to take care of yourself now , treating yourself as well as you treated him. The period after a death is a hard one so feel free to PM me anytime if you feel I can help.

 

(((hugs))) from Sue.

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Mary Jo --- so, so very sorry for your loss.... you have been on a long road, uphill... and the dual morning of the old dan and new dan - i understand as we all do---- you are such a good person - thinking about your husbands "helper" ( someone like that the word employee does not suit ).. you where thinking of him and his loss as well not just the financial aspect but the emotional part as well.... your Dan is now free ... he will be loved and missed, which means he was important to the people he came in contact with.. condolence in this sad time, the passing of this life into a new much , much better one ....

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Mary Jo - I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need to grieve the loss of your dear husband, and be sure to take care of yourself in the process. God Bless!

 

Sarah

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MaryJo, I'm so sorry to hear this news about your Dan and I'll say God knows best in all our lives! You have my condolences in this loss in your home. Please stay with us and post your comments anytime you desire to tell us how you are doing. Once a member, always a member!

 

You are family here!

 

My brother passed in a nursing home a week after he arrived in Houston on the 6th of June! His wife was devastated too. They told her he died from pneumonia. For me a nursing home is not in my future!

 

My wife's father supposedly passed during hurricane Katrina before it made landfall in 2005 and didn't find his body until February some six months later. My own thoughts are he was dropped in the water in the rush to get them to higher ground before the storm hit shore.

 

If you remember other nursing homes left patients behind in nursing homes doing that time too.

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Mary Jo, My sincere condolences. I am so sorry. I don't know how to handle that type of change. I will keep you in my prayers.Ruth

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Mary Jo: I am so sorry. Please do accept my sympathy to you and your family.

 

You have been such a source of strength, support and advice for me in our journey. I am thankful Dan is at peace. That is really all we ever want for our loved ones. For you, his gift of love and laughter will always be your strength.

 

Please do take care. I am glad Jeff is there with you to help share in the loss and grief. Know you are in my prayers. Debbie

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I've been on the board so little lately, that I went back and read your previous entry to see what had been going on previously. On reading it, I see what a horrible time he was having and can get the full impact of what you meant by him being pain free and at peace. It has been such a hard time period for him, and you've had a front row seat for the whole thing. I know your heart is breaking, while at the same time you are feeling a relief and peace that he is finally released from it all. I feel like a mirror, reflecting the same things you feel at this time, and send you my condolences and (((HUGS))), and prayers.

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My sympathy is with you. I was glad Charlie was no longer miserable but, hated losing him. After five plus years, he was no longer the man he used to be and I hated what happened to him. It's been over a year for me and I am still not used to him being gone but, can handle it better. RIP Dan and just remember the good times.

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sorry to hear of Dan. Thank you for all the advice you gave me. His story and experiences really helped me as a survivor. Thank you Dan R.I.P

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I wrote a message a few days ago but somehow it didn't post. I did want you to know I am thinking of you. These last few months have been so difficult for you and Dan. I'm so sad for your loss. But I'm also glad you had some good laughs together even in his last days. Special memories for you. You have met the challenges of caregiving with wisdom and strength and I know you will continue to do so with the transition in front of you now. My prayers are with you. ~~Donna

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maryjo, i too am sorry to hear of your loss. life after a spouses death is hard to adjust to, or it was for me. remember the good times and that he is in a better place now. plan things you weren't able to do while caring for him. god will guide you through this. let us know how you are doing as time passes.

 

kimmie

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Mary Jo, I just read this. I am so sorry, My heart goes out to you. Hoping that time and the peace that only God grants will see you through these hard times.

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