Dan is finally pain free and at peace
Dan passed away Monday, June 17. He was at home and he is finally out of pain and at peace. I am ok. I've been grieving for four years over the loss of the man I married; now I'm grieving over the loss of the man he became four years ago. He made me laugh right up the the end, I think that's what I will miss the most, he could make me angry one second and laugh the next. Even post stroke he had such a quick, dry sense of humor. He was a lot of things, but he was the most honest, dependable, responsible man I've ever known. He was by best friend.
He was such an angry man after the stroke which was very difficult to deal with and accept because he was not like that pre-stroke. He was joking right up to the day before he passed. Now for the hard part...what do I do with myself? Right now I've got a lot to do but that will eventually end. His family is spread out so there will be a memorial mass the end of July when they can all gather. Then there's all the paperwork that, I'm sure will go on for a long time. He was in the hospital or nursing home for almost two months before he came home this last time so I'm sure the finality of it won't hit me for another week or two and will really hit me after the memorial mass. I know for a while my mind will still be planning my activities and errands around Dan's schedule. I've been doing that for so long. Right now I'm keeping busy with notifying people, obituary, funeral home, what do I do with his ashes, what do I do with the unused meds and supplies, hospital bed, wheelchair, ramp van, etc. etc. etc. I know most of this can be done at any time. I want to wait a while for the personal things because I need to save some memories and not be sorry later that I got rid of something that I really wanted.
Jeff has been great. He too is emotionally drained. Dan and I both became emotionally attached to Jeff and he to us. He spent the night Sunday because it was apparent that Dan didn't have much longer. He was there until the end and he's been here every day since organizing and straightening Dan's room, helping me decide what to donate/give away now and what to hold onto for later. He has been such a wonderful support. The responsibility of being Jeff's source of income has been heavy on my mind for the last couple of months but it has all worked out. I have a friend who's husband has a brain injury after being hit by a car 16 years ago. Jeff will be working full time for them. I am so relieved and happy for both of them. I know that we will stay in touch with each other. Of course, I keep reminding him that I'm MUCH nicer than Donna, then he reminds me that Donna does have a lake house where Ron spends a lot of time in the summer! lol I will miss him.
God bless and my sincere thanks to all of you at StrokeNet for the wonderful support I've received. Love to all of you.