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Dan in a "snit" again - who woulda thunk it ??


nancyl

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well here i am after witting that last blog with a mute husband.. wont talk, refused his meds this morning- he did eat and drink today... It began because i wouldnt just hop in the car yesterday and take him to the casino... our son was home from the cities and offered to go with dan, but dan insisted i come with... well i enjoy new big casinos -once- i enjoy the design, the art work,things like that but the actual gambeling is tedious to me... but i go for him and usually dont even mind.. but we are going on a trip soon and i hate to see good money wasted, when we could be using it on the trip..this morning when he woke up he kinda smiled when i said good morning then - i could see the storm cloud move into his eyes... he remembered he was mad - at me- at the world--- whatever... i hope it passes quickly... or sunday will make for a very intresting day... it is what it is... and i am not gonna use that G - four letter word anymore.... nancyl

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Nancy: and I just blogged that I finally have some spending money - you'll see it.

 

Do you think he may just have wanted to offer his son some fun time?

 

I got home tonight in time for dinner, exhausted. You know Bruce is easy. But after Cathy left, toileting; Bruce says "can you put the ramp up?" On the deck - he wanted to deadhead and clean his flower boxes. There was no thought to my condition, but Nancy, really he was trying to please me. I stress everyday "what are you going to do for you." I know he was trying to step up.

 

I think this may have been it for Dan. His son is visiting, he wants to be the "Dad", party and enjoy time with his son. Honey, really they don't think about the amount of work anything is for us. Can you imagine 12 hours in shoes and sox - even all cotton sox? I have Palmer feet - that is not a pretty thing - LOL and Bruce knows this. I had just taken them off and I can't do the deck thing without them.

 

That is Dan with the trip coming up. Right now, son is home. He is not even thinking about Sunday, money or prep. I think that may be the hardest thing to accept. With our partners of so many years being on mutual wavelengths, that is no longer true. Pre-stroke, we would sit down as a family and brainstorm: my thinking, your thinking - OK what is the compromise. No longer true. I am coming from one direction, Bruce from another. But that middle ground, knowing what the partner is thinking, talking things out is no longer there. From whatever stroke-angle they are coming from, communication now is a new language.

 

You take Bruce on Wednesday. I'll take Dan. Bruce is easy. Get him a coffee, quiet corner and talk books. I'll show Dan how to gamble, whatever he likes. Discuss probabilities, statistics. I may even end up with a Poker buddy. But I will tell you, I can get Dan to whatever he likes and guide him through the best outcomes. So next time he insists - and I really think it was about his son being home- you, who are not a gambler, can get him to a casino when he insists and get out cheaply.

 

Go easy honey. You are juggling so many things right now. You want and need to concentrate on your priorities and Dan does not have the ability to understand. Show him your list - it might help, might now unless you leave it right in front of him and remind him what you need to do. He might just balk and say "F" it, we are doing this. But something to consider.

 

Keep in mind Colleen has your back. Debbie

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LOL Debbie, Dan knows how to gamble! He can give you a run for you money; he did VERY well last time in Connecticut. You can show me instead! But I love that idea of us all changing husbands for awhile, then maybe afterwards they would appreciate us a little more. I think they're all ready for a big change up at this point.

 

With Ray, I keep going over everything we are going to do, and the old Ray is showing itself just a bit. He is doubtful that he will have as much fun as I will, instead of being happy to be doing anything at all. Too many new people I guess, he's just nervous. I used to give in to him as far as socializing, but have been spoiled with his blind compliance up until now. Luckily he's not as bad as he used to be, it's just a hint. A subtle questioning of our plans, that only I could pick up on. But I think that's actually an improvement? He also is on a kick of writing his name, first and last, over and over again until it's perfect. Don't know what that's about but I love it!

 

I'm betting Dan will have a smile on his face when we pick you up at the airport. What an adventure we will be having after that, he will be too busy to pout.

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Well Nancy,

 

I do hope by the time you all come to Texas on vacation Dan is in a better mood while breathing this Texas summer air. I hope to take him and you fishing on the military base so he can catch a few fish for you to cook. Then to see a few of the wounded soldiers may help him understand me and him are not that bad off being able to do what we do!

 

Maybe he is just having life cycles because of the stroke and living where you are now. Was he like this at the other house?? Maybe it was the move he is rebelling now with the way they want to restrict you in what you want to do there??

 

Maybe your next trip to visit Sting and Ray again may change him to a more tolerable survivor or you into a Peed off care giver??

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Nancy: I am fine with slots and I get you about the cards. No problem there. Sitting at a poker table usually involves hours and while Dan and I would probably love it, Bruce would be out of his mind - LOL.

 

But my thinking is that our slots are mostly multi-denomination. I know he will notice, but would he balk at two cents as opposed to quarters or dollars? This way he could bet Max, have a shot (a really long shot) at the bonus, play longer and less expensively. Plus I could try to make sure it was a minimum number of lines - 9 as opposed to 20; so 18 cents a bet as opposed to 40 cents. Or a Poker slot - odds are better and he gets to make decisions as opposed to just hitting a button.

 

So we'll sort it out. Good times, Debbie

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oh you bet dan notices the denomination.... the old dan -- would spend 20 bucks tops total at the casino now -- i think he would bet the farm - if i let him-- but he knows if you are in a slump and win nothing STOP... or if you win a significant amount STOP.. but mostly he likes the quarter machines... the older style of course appeals to him the most ... cant wait >>> to finally meet you...

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