I Can't Start Over
I am sitting in my office crying as I type this. I just received a phone call from the Mayo Clinic. They would like Lisa to come down for follow-up tests. For the entire first week of August. Why? Is this for Lisa or for their own research? Don't they realize we might have seen all her doctors up here? Isn't there a way all of them can consult each other? Couldn't all the tests be done here? Hell, the Mayo person was surprised she wasn't on the phone. WTF? WTF!!!
I can not go through all the poking and prodding, the 3 hour drive, having to pick her spirits up again. She has been improving so greatly that it would seem like a step back. How can you give the person who means everything to you HOPE when there is little for yourself? I cherish every moment I spend with Lisa. And yet, there are so many outside...I can't get the thought together. I have always been a person who fixes problem. Now I can't. I constantly am trying to figure out how and the answer eludes me. I know all of you have gone through what I am saying, and I'm sure some of you still are.
I just want her home. I want to take care of her. I want her surrounded by all those who love her and keep her safe.
I can't type anymore. Maybe I'll put more in later.
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