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My Life



Dan's been gone six weeks now. His memorial mass was a week ago. I was so very touched by the number of people that were there. Two of his high school classmates (graduated 50 years ago), a friend from Tennessee, friends I worked with 40 years ago, neighbors, a lady that I baby sat for her daughter 50 years ago, brothers, sisters, niece, nephews...oh my! The "church ladies" put together a luncheon after the mass and family came to the house after the luncheon. The in-laws left for home the next day and my sister and her husband left the following day. The funeral mass gave me some closure. It was a celebration of Dan's life and a time to mourn for his death. He is finally out of pain and at peace.


I've been keeping busy. Thank goodness we've had a couple of cool weeks in central Indiana and not the drought of last year. I am, however, sick and tired of moving garden hoses to keep my grass from being brown and crunchy. I decided to bite the bullet and get a lawn irrigation system put in. It's costing more than I expected but I think it will be worth it. It just kills my back lugging around the hoses, that and the fact that I always forget to set a timer and I remember two hours later that I need to move the sprinklers.


I miss Dan terribly. Some of my friends seem to think that I might fall apart any minute. I try to explain to them that I've had four years to experience my grief and prepare, not that you're ever really prepared, for Dan's death. After the stroke I grieved and mourned over what the stroke did to Dan's mind and body and what it did to OUR life, mine as well as his. Eventually I accepted what the stroke did to both of us, but I never stopped grieving the loss of how we had planned on living our retirement years. Now I'm grieving and mourning over the hole in my life, missing the man that I loved and who was my best friend. He always made me laugh, right up to the end.


I do cry at some of the oddest moments. In the grocery store I'll see something on sale and think I should get it for him. Yesterday I went to an outlet mall. Dan always loved going into the cooking and kitchen stores. Well, I went into one, started thinking about Dan, teared up, paid for my small purchase, and promptly went to the restroom and into a stall and cried for about 5 minutes. I'm sure the people in there thought I was a crazy woman!


I know it will get easier but I also know that I will always miss him. He's in my heart and in my head every day.


Hugs to all.




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The cool weeks OK but I thought the river water was a big problem for many folks around these areas with floodings. I'm glad you are doing good and you will always miss him I know. Still life is good knowing one day we all must go that way to be with our Father in spirit face to face.


Glad to see you blog and on the board as you always did before so don't stop now let us know how you are doing. We care about you like we did Dan and we know now he is at peace, no more pain.


I bought timers for my sprinklers two years ago when it was a drought here. unhooked them from both faucets took the 9 volt batteries out put them away now I forgot where the heck I put them. I'm not buying any more I just used them one time. I'm giving myself time to remember where I put them.

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It's good to hear from you, Mary Jo. I'm glad the memorial mass brought a sense of closure as well as a fitting celebration of Dan's life. As you say, i don't think any of us can really prepare for the loss of someone we love and have been with through so many years of life. Seems like all we can do is just what you're doing--taking it as it comes and letting the grief have its time.


Keep in touch as it seems right. We are so interested in how you are doing. I hope you will find more and more occasions to laugh, as Dan most certainly wanted you to do when he was able to assist! Getting a sprinkler system is a good idea. You need to make things as easy as possible. Take good care of you. ~~Donna

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The Memorial service for Dan sounds like a good closure for you. I can't imagine how you must feel - sad, fearful, confused. Time will heal what you are going through. You can now move on to other things but don't feel guilty about doing so. I have been there as my first husband passed away years ago. It is an adjustment but I did not have the caregiver aspect of it as it came pretty quickly. You can always come here for support.



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Our irrigation system is set to run in the early AM three days a week. Normal weather patterns take care of the rest. The one or two tiny spots I need to irrigate by hand never seem to be remembered by me, poor things. I planned my vegetable garden just so that it is fully covered, such a pleasure after our former garden, and the hoses and sprinklers. Whatever it costs, it's worth it. Just remember to get it blown out every fall when you turn it off for the winter, so the pipes don't freeze. Ray used to do it himself, with our air compressor, but it's relatively cheap when the company does it now too.


You know, my Mom, who thinks she is so tough, told me a story about a year after Dad died. She was glad she was finally over her grieving, as the anniversary passed. Then she ran into someone in the Post Office whom she hadn't seen since then, and the woman expressed her condolences. Mom burst into hysterical tears and the woman couldn't comfort her. Mom was shocked at her reaction, but I guess she had still been holding it in more than she knew. There's nothing unusual about it at all, and I sure don't think you're crazy!

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Hi Maryjo, just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughs and prayers. You are not crazy, time is the healer. Please keep in touch, the people on this web site are here for you.


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Thank you, I am new to this community and my better half had two strokes recently and I thought I was being weird grieving for our life and the man I used to know. Your blog helped. I am sorry for your loss, and thank you for making me feel a little better.

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Thank you, I am new to this community and my better half had two strokes recently and I thought I was being weird grieving for our life and the man I used to know. Your blog helped. I am sorry for your loss, and thank you for making me feel a little better.


Loralye11, Welcome to StrokeNet. This wonderful group of people have supported me through good times, bad times, and even worse times. lol I'm so glad that what I've written has helped someone else start healing from the effects of stroke. I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Bless you an (((((hugs)))))

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