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Adjusting to next phase



Having a little trouble adjusting to the next phase of my life and how I will attack it. Much work to do, but it is all HERE, don't have to go to the other house.. well, there are 2 lockers... we won't go there. Today I finally decided to get back the meals on wheels. I had thought when the house was done, I'd be able to cook like before and go back to my vegetarian diet, however, the last 2 weeks I've spent most of my time in the kitchen and still manage to have so many dishes I can't keep the sink cleaned out, not the counter cleared off (add in neither the stove nor table). So, I need to spend time working on all these boxes of stuff I drug in here from the move, and doing home therapy with Bob. My preferred diet is shelved, once again. I have given it my best shot, and am thankful that I have something to fall back on, as I'm sinking trying to do all this food. Tomorrow meals start again, and it is deliciously prepared, cafeteria type food, so I'm at peace with it, and thankful to have it. Maybe if I ever get this junk cleared out, I'll have more time, and I'll try again.


The last week has brought some new things for me. I have had flashes of thoughts.. quilt fabric, crochet patterns.... Saturday I got out MY music and played it - so long since I heard Luis Miguel sing. Sunday mowed front & back yards and cleaned out one corner of the garage. I could see many yard tools piled in there (shovels, hoes, rakes). I was coming dangerously close to running over different tools with the riding mower, and rather than wait till I blew a tire, decided to go for it. I knew if I would ever be able to find what I needed, I had to take the pile out and sort them, sweep and re-arrange them so I knew what was there. I plan to go thru the garage like this .... maybe the big tool box next. I don't think like him, and the way he organized his tools, leaves me hunting and pecking constantly.


Before his stroke I was eating extremely healthy, had lost weight and felt better than ever in my life. Now I'm back up to 200 pounds and have, by no choice in the last crazy couple of months of moving, lived on fast food. But, I've been trying the last week to write my food down, like I used to, and make sure I'm eating a balanced diet - it's been hit and miss to remember to do it, though. But there is no excuse to not try to eat balanced now, just gotta commit to it. I hope to stop binging BEFORE it does me in.


Have read 6 paper bags of old newspapers and recycled, since house sold. I don't read ALL the paper, just the headers, then stop and read anything pertinent to us & obits.


My goals for tomorrow are:


Try to get more clean-up in the kitchen - too messy + moving boxes all around, this will all take awhile, & many rooms to go

Therapy with Bob at home

Try to keep track of what I'm eating - balance it and quit binging

I flunked out at walking, too muich left over pain from moving, so some easy stretches and range of movement

Look for the payoff in having another day, it's a gift


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Sandy, I know not having to run back and forth between houses is a blessing on you body. I remember days like that when we were clearing government quarters and staying at the guess house until plane flight back to the States from Germany back in the day.


Every time we think it will pass their inspection they call us back to clean another area in the house that looked really clean to us. I remember those days well and you selling one home and going to another one is tiring for you and still looking after Bob to insure he is OK.


I pray nightly and mornings too that their recovery will get better soon and all the survivors can get about better and get their driving licenses back. It is so much joy being able to drive again after the stroke. I know it had to be the Lord allowing me the strength to recover from a brain bleed stroke 9 almost 10 years ago now.


Hopefully your next phase won't take too long or much of your energy daily. It can be done slowly now and you'll still have time for Bob's needs and yours too.

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sandy :


learnt trick of being organized is always finish the job at hand first, never leave dishes in sink, take care of it right away which includes bill payment at our house. if you do things right away, first is job is still small before it gets out of hand & becomes sink full of dishes & you forget to pay the bill & end up paying late fees.




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Asha, it sounds good, but it just doesn't work here. I can't finish the dishes in the sink, when the cat is puking on the couch, and while I'm cleaning that up, Bob comes up with 'Poop, I gotta poop' - and you better listen because he can't hold it. While he's in there, I hear the dryer is beeping and run start hanging up clothes before they wrinkle. He is done and I add 2 minutes to the dryer of cool air only and run and get him out. Come back and start hanging up clothes and find it's time to leave for therapy. I would usually be shoving things back into the kitchen after eating, as we are rushing to leave before we are late. I just can't stand there and finish the dishes while the dog pee sinks into the carpet because I didn't stop to put her out, the cat starts puking somewhere (can hear it), Bob poops his pants and the clothes begin to wrinkle!


On a brighter note, I pay each bill as soon as it comes, and I can easily squeeze in 1 or 2 bills at a time. If one saved them all to a certain date, it would require a special time to do them, which would be easy to forget. Since I pay them online, if money were an issue, I can mark the day I want them to be paid by the bank and not have to wait till later to take care of them. So, I just put them on my computer when I bring in the mail and soon as I have a second, sit down and pay them fast.

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Sandy, If keeping track of what you eat is a concern, go to myfitnesspal.com. It does it all for you. Lesley and I have lost about 25 lbs doing it. I just eat exactly what she eats and let her worry about the numbers. Lots of social support too.

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George, I do have tools out the wazoo for entering info on several sites, devices where I can just push a button to register a fruit or some other food, I also have kept a small notebook which was great, because if it got too much trouble to write it all down, it meant you were eating too much. My biggest problem right now is that it is no longer a part of my life and I don't THINK to do it! If you can believe it, I still have Bob writing down his foods in a small notebook, as it's good for him to keep track and write and think. I used to love using my notebook and draw lines in it to represent my points and food groups and how many I had left. I did have tunnel vision then, though... and now I have become a binging person and I am trying baby steps, by trying to change what I'm binging on as a first step. Like banana, peach, rather than donut, muffin.

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Sandy: great start and as you have more room in the kitchen, everything you have in there will be healthy. It took me six weeks to get organized with Bruce's new diet and Colleen's new meal selection. But finally everything I reach for is healthy.


I have no where near the volume of organization that you do, but Bruce is a pack rat and a lot of stuff I need help with, because I have no clue. Carl was here helping adjusting the WC one time, of course I had no idea what he needed. I have my own little tool box that works for me. But probably Bob is like Bruce - they have everything! And Carl said to me "don't toss any of this. Old tools are really valuable." Great! Sandy I have some wild drain rooter sitting on a shelf all by itself - waiting for someone to tell me if I should toss it. I certainly will never use it - LOL.


Anyway, work in the areas you need to function in first. You know what you want for your kitchen. Anything else is toss or donate. Unless there are things specific to Bob in the kitchen, things you know he will need and want for him to prep meals; get it in a box and outside. I take a box a week either to recycling or the local thrift shop. We are out anyway.


One box at a time. And yes, like you, I digress some days. Work on a shelf in the garage or attic. And that is OK. Because when I have to make some tough decisions, at least all the electrical, plumbing or small devices that I have no clue about; are in one place for someone to advise.


Go easy as best you can and again try to focus on those areas you need every day. Debbie

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The garage is actually key right now, because until I can make space in there, I can't finish unloading the cars! ack! It would be great to see the floorboards in the SUVs right now - the 2 front seats are clear, of course, but the rest is stuffed. Some of this stuff also belongs out there, but I have to organize the garage so that it can go in there.

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Whenever I see a rooter or a plunger I always wonder if it's been in the toilet! His friends were over here one day, early on, in the garage and I had a toilet plunger I kept in a defunct stock pot. When they left I went into the garage and found the poop plunger sitting on the floor, no pot = poop on the floor, in my eyes. Just last week, I found the pot sat over on a bunch of bags and Bob's bike helmet had fallen into it. Now this is why I hate people to help me!

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I was recently able to get rid of a LOT of stuff, because my neighborhood elected me to organize a block yeard sale. We do that periodically around here. Hard work, but it really cleaned out my basement and garage, because I followed the popular advice that whatever didn't sell went directly to the thrift shop. It took a few trips, but sure felt good after it was all over and done; if I did it in dribs and drabs I wouldn't have ever made a dent. And I made $450 to boot! That solution isn't for the faint of heart, for sure. But after I recovered, I was very pleased with all the space I had gained. The way I see it, we will probably move in the next couple of years, and I want to rent a U Haul, not hire a 40 foot tractor trailer like last time.


Oh and I'm with you about dishes in the sink, I don't even try to keep up anymore. Last on my list of things to do, they are inanimate and I have too many living entities to take care of first.

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We did have a yardsale when we were first starting to move from the other house. People wanted things for nothing and we sat out there all day, not making anything. My husband had a $70 tent he had used one time and got another, and this woman wanted to know how much we wanted for her. I told her hubby had just went for change, but should be back in about 15 minutes. She came back 2 more times to see if he was back yet. The 3rd time she drove up and rolled down the window, I told her she was in luck, he had just gotten back and wanted $7 for the tent. She put the car in gear and drove away! It went that way all day.

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Sandy :

I am glad I am survivor & not caregiver, taking care of someone & whole household is quite balancing act. I am just thankful & glad that I am able to chip in & help out in our household.



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It sounds to me like you are consistent and do a good job with what you do. I'm sure it is a great help. If only Bob could do anything at all... he would feel better. I am going to get him out front where he can reach the bushes in front of the porch and let him clip them on the porch side. He said it was useless because he could only do that side, and I said, it was one side I didn't have to do. But, I have MORE moving stuff stuck on the porch till I can get it in the garage, which would block moving around easily in a wheelchair - thank God for the bushese so the neighbors can't see our redneck porch stacked up!

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