I just left the neurologist office. He said I had a small amount of discharge one night that could have turned into a seizure. He was really concerned that I had the big one at work the day before the EEG. He said the discharge in my brain came from the area where my stroke was so I guess its just post stroke seizures. The nighttime seizure medicine they started me on has been working wonderfully though. I dont wake up in the middle of the night anymore (unless the hand splint is bothering me) and I havent had any nightmares or parasomnia.

The neurologist gave me a few options. Start a new medicine and ween me off keppra, increase the keppra again, or just stay like I am. I definitely did not want an increase in keppra since it really affects my mood so I opted for the new medicine. That means I will be taking THREE seizure medicines.

OT has been good. I got my own mirror box now and have my exercise plan but I never have anytime to do the exercises. The medicines make me so tired and I work 40 hours a week. I just dont have the energy to do anything. I was disappointed to find out that my OT let me down on the saebo. At first she told me it would be a good resting splint for me but then after she talked to the company she said I might have too much tone and might need to try botox first.

I had been dealing with doctor bills all month. My medicaid was under review and I got no type of notification or or anything so the seizure ER visit, accident ER visit, EEG, and doctor visits were billed to me. Very frustrating calling each hospital to clear it up. I also had an incident one night I could not find my baclofen prescription, I was completely out, and the pharmacist would not fill it. I had to rush home and look everywhere. Then a week later I got stress because I could not find my new seizure medicine and was completely out. I looked everywhere and found it..in the trash. I had thrown it away on accident.

I dont want to move back home but I do want to move back home. I really dont like working full time or my job. Although I work hard, I just really wish I had more free time and I feel like working full time and doing everything on my own here is just too stressful. Now the doctor wants to put me on this new medicine. What if I have another seizure at work? I am afraid to drive now. but as I was walking to the library to type this I stood there for at least 5 straight minutes and the walk sign never came up so I just went when the light turned green but it turned red before I made it across the street. Luckily the cars waited for me to finish crossing so I didnt get hit this time.

I just dont want to be here. It was dangerous enough for me to be driving with the limited vision then in this big city there are always accidents, roads closed, and detours even though I avoid the interstate. Now Im going to be put on this new seizure medicine and who knows how it will make me feel. I get anxiety attacks everytime I get ready to cross a street and my leg hurts so bad from this new brace, the accident, and the extra walking I do to minimize crossing the street to get to bus stops. Plus taking the bus turns my 15 minute commute to work into a hour and a half so Im waking up earlier and getting home later making me more tired and giving me less time to get things done at home.

I love my independence. I love coming home having privacy, driving my cute little car wherever I want when I feel like going somewhere. but im just tired. tired of having to do everything for myself. tired of working to exhaustion then my supervisor still complains. then its like if I cant drive and cant take the bus I will have to go back to using the special transportation bus which is super unreliable and never on time.

I am going home this weekend for an appointment to update my neurologist in Fayetteville. I dont want to say I give up. I just need a break. I dont know. Maybe Im just upset right now. just needed to vent. Thanks for your comments. I have been generally happy and I am thankful for all that I have and have accomplished. I just want a break from the stress without feeling like Im doomed to give up on having a meaningful life. If only I could work from home