No more therapy. Wednesday was my last day. But I have everything I need. I have new exercises, my old ones from 2007, my mirror box, my e-stim unit, and my brace and splint. I have been exercising everyday since my last day. I don't want to waste all that progress. It feels so great when I use my left hand to do things. While at the doctor, I told my dad I could open the door. We were in the room waiting for the doctor. He didnt believe me but I did it. He was like when did you learn how to do that? I just smiled

I went to my neurologist in Fayetteville last week. I decided not to start that new medicine the neurologist here in Charlotte wanted to put me on. It had too many scary side effects. My neurologist in Fayetteville did want to increase my dosage again though. I dont remember the actual dosage but he increased it from the 750 twice a day. I have not started it yet but Im going to pick it up after I leave the library.

Im kinda scared to start it because of my mood issues and the keppra side effects on my mood. I had a break down last Friday. Like I just cried for 3 hours straight. I could not get out of bed. I called out of work and that made me feel worse to know that I disappointed my supervisor by calling out from work. I literally just wanted to lay there and die. I felt such hatred for myself and thinking about my situation just made it worse.

I decided I want to go home. I still dont know when though. I will probably have to pay the remainder of my lease and lose out on my deposit. With no income (except maybe SSDI) I will have no choice but to live with my dad and Im not even sure if SSDI would cover rent, my car payment, AND my car insurance which is super high because of my 3 accidents in 2 years.

I started job hunting in Fayetteville but Im not sure I want to go straight back to working full time and I cant find anything part time. I would like time to just sit home and exercise and maybe work on my motivational speaking (which I get paid for most of the time). Im just scared to put in my 2 weeks notice. There is a trailer right across the street from my dad's house that will be available the end of this month. If I could have my way I would quit my job and move there and live off my SSDI that way I would still have my independence, still have time to exercise, and my dad would be less than 5 minutes away. My lease is really the main thing stopping me right now and my fear of letting my supervisor down by quitting after she just promoted me in July and gave me a raise in September.

I am going to go home next weekend. Im off Friday-Sunday so that will be a good vacation. I really enjoyed going home last week.