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At home


CagedBird

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I put in my resignation letter. It was very hard and I cried many nights but I felt like I needed to do it. Sunday I remember waking up at 3am feeling like something was wrong (seizure). My heart was beating fast, I had a headache, I could hear myself breathing really loud, the thoughts in my head were really loud and my throat was burning like I was going to throw up. Next thing I knew it was 7:30 and I was waking up getting ready for work. I felt fine but around 4:30 that evening at work I started feeling weird again. I tried putting my head down, closing my eyes, etc but I was working the front desk so I had to help customers. A coworker came up to the desk and asked my workmate a question. As I was looking at her it felt like I was about to have a seizure. I quickly looked away and tried to slow my breathing back down and do something on the computer to make me feel normal.

 

Wednesday night my friend stayed the night with me. I was upset about putting in my resignation letter and didnt want to be alone. I slept on my right side close to the wall while he slept next to me close to the edge. Laying on my right side as I was sleeping it felt like my body was being pushed back. I tried to let him know I was having a seizure but I could not talk. To make it worse I could not get his attention since I was laying on my right side and could not touch him with my left hand. I continued to tried to talk until I heard a yell finally come out of my mouth...

 

Suddenly he was walking away. (I guess I was dreaming now). I got up to shut the door behind him but I heard a knock. I peaked through and seen a big woman in a yellow shirt. I told her she could not come in but she began pushing on the door trying to get in so I pushed back. Then I noticed another woman standing next to her. She began grabbing my head and pushing me so I started pushing her forehead back with all of my strength...

 

Then I woke up. I told my friend "I think I just had a seizure". I guess he could not understand me or was half sleep because he began asking me if I was having a seizure, what happened, if i was okay, etc. I began telling him what happened. I still had a headache so I know it wasnt all a dream but as I was explaining the dream suddenly I wasnt talking out loud anymore. I was explaining everything but my voice was in my head. I realized I was sleep and could not wake myself up. It seemed like it took forever for me to stop talking in my head and wake myself up.

 

According to him he did not feel me having a seizure behind him and did not hear me yell out. I dont know if this was just a dream or if it really happened and he was just sleep and didnt notice. (My other friend didnt notice me have a seizure and fall off the bed back in June). I asked him if I told him about the seizure and dream and he said I was talkin and just stopped (guess this is when I fell back asleep). Im glad I had someone there with me to tell me some of what happened and possibly kept me from falling off the bed

 

SO I decided it was time to call it quits. My last official day of work is next Tuesday. Im moving home Wednesday. I thought things would get better but I just cannot continue to work in the fast pace rotating shift job I had. I hate to give it up but I knew my performance was going down and I hated the flashes of dizziness, anxiety attacks, whatever I was having. My supervisor was also concerned about me falling and hitting my head or having a seizure in the back workroom when no one is around.

I also thought about the time I had a seizure at home and fell off the toilet and sprang my ankle 10 years ago. Luckily one of my brothers heard me and broke the lock on the door and called the ambulance. If this happened to me in my apartment I would just be stuck on the floor seizing. Then be out of work since falling will sprang my left ankle and I cannot use crutches.

 

If the seizures stopped and dizziness was not as frequent, I wouldve tried to hang in there but I felt like things were still up in the air. No one still knows whats triggering the seizures or how to stop them and I dont want to take any chances. This blog is getting long so I will probably write again after I officially move out of my apartment next week.

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you have been brave and strong.... you have tried very hard and have succeeded in what i believe your goal was - to be independent .... you have done that... now going home is just a change of goals -- you will find something new to set your sights on - you are smart, young, ambitious and cute as all get out... another job, new friends ( always come with a new job change) and support of family ... it will lower your stress ,which will lower your threshold for a lot of health issues you incur .. so this is just another life change --- a reason to celebrate !!! smile and have a great day !!

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Be happy and stay on top of getting even better with your left Arm and side! Don't neglect it use it daily then post another picture showing both arms and hands you are proud of!!

 

Remember there are many young women and men at Fort Bragg and here at Fort Hood that lost limbs legs and arms! You and me still got ours!

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I'm glad you have made a decision, I know it was a tough one. I will be hoping everything goes smoothly for your transition, and your continued improvement.

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Sounds like you are making a good move. Maybe with the pressures of the job off your mind the seizures will stop and you can find another job on one shift.

Remenber when one door closes another opens, and for you I think the next door will be a good one.

Take care

Sally

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