I just had another seizure. After taking my medicine I tried watching tv and being on the internet but I was just so tired I dosed off with the tv on. A few minutes later I found myself waking up slowly like I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was going to throw up, my head hurt, and my heart was beating so fast it hurt too. I thought about calling my dad but I couldnt remember how to use the phone. I tried yelling out his name but it came as a whisper. I was scared. Finally it ended, I turned the tv off, and I just lay here crying. My head still hurts. It was like this uncontrollable fear making me cry. I said in my head "Im scared" so I decided to blog.

Sunday I had a somewhat similar episode. First after taking my medicine I was really moody and irritable. I was not mad at anything, I was just acting really mean like I had no patience or compassion. When I got back to my apartment I was so tired I took a nap. During the nap I had a nightmare. I was at work in the breakroom and a co-worker walked in. I began to have a seizure but he was fixing his lunch and did not notice. I tried to tell him verbally but I couldn't say anything. So I tried falling out of my chair to get his attention but I was scared to fall. As I felt myself sliding off of the chair I woke up.

I moved back home on Wednesday. As my brother and dad moved my stuff I felt like I was in a dream. There was a lot going on around me but I could not comprehend it. My brother started talking to me and I heard him but it just did not seem real unless I looked right at him to understand what he was saying to me. Its hard to explain and I dont remember when the feeling went away but it did.

So now I am laying here frustrated. I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family yesterday and although I cried at work on my last day, I have been fairly optimistic since moving back home. I did not cry during the move or get sad since I been home. I've just been relaxing and thinking about what to do with my life next. I guess I will go ahead and get the VNS therapy. I just want to live a normal life. Thank you all for your support in the comments.