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Broken toys and Broken dreams


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Here's a newsflash-- things change. Things really do change and as it has been said, we have to change with them. Change--that's one thing that as humans we just don't like and we can be really good at resisting it! We often find what works for us and we are bound and determined to stick with it even when faced with evidence that something has changed and it is no longer working. That happened to me and as I read posts recently by other survivors like Fred and Leah and others, I see I'm not alone. All the hard work that got us so far in recovery seems to get us nowhere now, or more discouraging, only makes matters worse! What to do! And therein lies the problem---or at least part of it.

 

Another part of being human is we think we always have to be DOING something. I think I'm learning sometimes the doing isn't mine to do. Perhaps things are in a state of change again and I just need to wait. Funny creatures, us humans...we don't like to wait either. Seems we don't like much, doesn't it! One thing that as a child I was told often was that when life starts closing doors, God will open a window. Looking back, that's been true but a lot of times I had to wait...and accept enough change to go through the window instead of beating against a familiar but closed door.

 

Stroke is a big life changer but one thing stroke doesn't change is that we all still age, we still get sick and ailments we had pre-stroke advance AND because we're already weaker because of stroke, each decline seems catastrophic. I don't think that's failure. I think that's life. Acceptance! Not again! We already did that once! Yeah well, it looks like we're going to do it again.

 

Things are changing and I need to trust that God will help me change with them.

 

 

 

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my friend.

 

But then instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

 

At last I snatched them back and cried,

“How could you be so slow”

“My child,” He said, “What could I do?

You never did let go.”

14 Comments


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Oh dear Jamie, you have been reading my mind, not on the stroke issues, because with Ray's death that struggle ended, but with the widow issues I am facing. As usual you put into words what was in a lot of our minds. Thank you.

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Jamie, you are right - partially. We like change well enough when it's in our favor and our current culture has made waiting even more intolerable. When we can see the results of our efforts - we are happy (we like rewards) but, when we see little or no results we forget that we are maintaining what we gained (maintenance is so boring). We want everything right now but, some things just plain take time. We will never again be what we were; in some ways that's good as well as frustrating. Just don't lose what you gained and appreciate it.

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Jamie :

 

you are such a great writer. reading this blog I felt as if I am reading my own thoughts. I know I have struggled with change my stroke brought in my life & went through heavy depression cause I wanted to open the closed door & won't even appreciate open window in my life

 

Asha

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Hi Jamie, reading your blog was so true. As humans, we want it our way, and when it does not go that way, we are shocked. I stopped for a while praying and trusting in God, because I thought I could do it by my self. That did not work, it was when I turn to him and lean on him that I began to see that open window. Your writing is excellent, and always gets us thinking outside the box.

Bless you

 

Yvonne

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Jamie, so true but just yesterday I was telling Andre how us humans are able to adapt to almost anything and we are resilient too. Maybe that all comrs once you have lived through many changes like we survivors are forced to do.

 

mc

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Jamie,

I liked the poem. Everything changes. Sometimes slower for others, sometimes faster for some. And being a stroke survivor on top of all the other stuff that gets thrown our way is tough.

Terry

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Thanks for reading and commenting.

 

Sue, I think that's one of the great things about blogging and about StrokeNet in general. No matter our positions in the stroke world, we can still relate through our individual experiences. All different and yet in so many ways the same.

 

It's weird even saying this but stroke is not a "get out of jail free card". I know we know that but we seem to act like it may be. When I first had my strokes I was doing so well and thought I'd just keep right on getting better in leaps and bounds like before. Imagine my surprise when I realized stroke hadn't handed me an exemption and just because I worked hard didn't mean everything would go my way or the way I planned. I do think I may have hit this wall much sooner had I not worked at recovery and to me that in itself has its reward.

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Jamie, I think I know what you mean and at times no matter what, I try to help others! I get down on myself but I'm still here on this site and approaching ten years in the recovery process knowing I'm not alone in the hunt to get better and survive as long as I can with what I have learned about strokes and recovery!

 

I'm down or up to one day at a time at this age and hope for the best in a long run of life which is not promised! I'm not giving up!

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Hi Sandy,

 

I didn't write it. I was raised by a minister and his wife who had the poem on a plaque in their study.

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I know I replied to this, but it's missing now. I'll say again, thanks for sharing it, I'd never seen it before, and it's very good. I did find one place online that named the author (if true), while most listed it as unknown. It kinda reminds me of the footprints poem, which is another good one.

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I came back to reread your post. Before when I read it, I just saw a lot of philosophy about how life was, but as I kept thinking on it, I came back to read it again. I see you are going thru something, and it is weighing heavy on you. I do like the philosophy you shared with us all, we all need to keep it in our hearts, to help us thru the rough times. But also, I want you to know you are not alone in all this. We care about you and you are in our prayers.

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Thanks Sandy,

 

Like all of us, life goes on and things are up one day and down the other but I'm still coping.

 

but as I kept thinking on it,

 

I know everyone's situation differs so what I wrote won't resonate with everyone but it is always my hope that people will find something that helps them in the realizations that help me. What you said is the best I can hope for...that something I said makes someone think.

 

It means a lot that you all care as well as your prayer. I often do feel alone and it's helpful to hear I'm not.

 

Jamie

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