I woke up yesterday morning, fell back asleep despite my fear, and woke up again. No nightmares! I woke up Thursday morning and this morning. No seizures! Its such a blessing to just get a good nights rest. Every morning that I wake up and realize I didnt have any parasomnias or seizures, Im just so happy.

No accidents

I am also grateful for God keeping me safe when I drive. I did not drive much when I lived here before. As some of you know I just got my license 2 years ago and got in 2 accidents the first year, then an accident last year. When I lived here before I was either only driving back and forth to work because I was scared to go anywhere else or I was riding with someone else after totaling my first 2 cars. So even though I got a lot of experience living in Charlotte, I am learning the Fayetteville roads all over. Although its a smaller city, it is a lot of traffic and where I live there are not many street lights so driving can be very scary especially at night. But Im grateful that December 5th marked a whole year I have not got in a car accident. Its a lot to be thankful for considering I've done all of my driving this past year as a newcomer and inexperienced driver in Charlotte (the largest city in NC). I just pray God continues to protect me because Fayetteville has grown so much because of Ft. Bragg but I dont want to fear driving.

No seizures

I am not worried about the seizures right now. Today I was in Wal Mart with my mom and I just felt weak, dizzy, light headed, and tired. My mouth was so dry and I kept feeling dizzy. Maybe the doctor is right and I do have anxiety attacks. As soon as we left the checkout station and headed to the car I felt fine. I know the increase in keppra has affected my mood a lot. I've already blogged about the mood changes but right now I think Im going to keep taking it and maybe the side effects will wear off. I just dont want to risk having a seizure again if I go back to the old dosage and so far I have not had any seizures (only nightmares I guess and anxiety attacks) since being on the newest dosage. Even though I remember having the staring ones when I woke up a few times, I have not had any grand mals that had me waking up on the floor or waking up my body sore like Ive been fighting all night.(These were happening on the lower dosage). I hope working with the psychologist can help the anxiety, parasomnias, and mood changes because right now I feel safer on the higher dosage when I look back and compare to how things were on the lower dosage.

Using my left hand

About a month ago, I made a post in lighter sides of stroke about making progress. I feel like my progress with my hand is the one thing keeping me from being extremely depressed. This year I have made so much progress! I am doing my exercises every morning, wearing the splint everyday, and using my hand more and more. Today I hugged both of my parents and squeezed them using both arms! I had not done that in years. I heard my dad bragging on the phone to a relative about me explaining how I use my hand a lot more now. I was feeling confident so I showed him what else I could do. I wrapped my fingers around the heavy wooden kitchen chair and using only my left arm, pulled the chair out from the table! My mom says my arm is getting bigger too. She said one time it was looking smaller than my other arm. She also noticed how my fingers do not dig into my palms like they used too. I am so very grateful for this blessing. My next goal is to get better at opening the door without using my good hand. I also bought a 2 pound weight and plan to mimic drinking from a glass so I can begin drinking from my water bottle using my left hand. All Ive wanted since 2001 was to use my left hand so I thank God even though problems have been added in my life, instead of dwelling on what I cant do, now I can look at the list of things i CAN do that I couldnt do before.

Keeping my faith

By the way, I began attending a Catholic church and I love it. Nothing at all against Protestants. I am not catholic. It just feels good to be able to worship through prayer and song without someone yelling at me to clap if I love the Lord or shout if I want my blessing or do a praise dance if I have anything to be thankful for. Most of all I dont have anyone telling me Im not praising God enough, I dont have enough faith, or an evangelical pastor pushing me to the floor to rebuke the evil spirits in me. I finally dont feel condemned or guilty in church.

Sorry this is so long. I am wide awake from coffee and just wanted to write while my mood is good