I was laying in bed looking at my laptop when I started to get a weird feeling. I immediately started to pray out loud. As I prayed I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself down thinking maybe its just a panic attack. but no, it wasnt. Everything became blurry. I let my laptop slide off my lap onto the bed. I reached for my phone but I was so nauseous that I thought I might throw up if I tried to call my dad. Im home by myself. I looked at my bedroom door but it was just blurry. I lay back down and just held my head. My limbs were trembling. It felt like I was not in control of my body. I just closed my eyes until I felt normal again. I just touched the left side of my face and felt a tear. Did I have a seizure?

Lastnight I was in the kitchen drinking a soda. I got up to throw the bottle away but before I could stand, I felt weird. All I could do was stare. I was aware of everything going on around me and I even read a text that I got on my phone but I was afraid to stand up. I did feel a tingling in my left foot. I had to look at it to know that it was there. It like I became aware that my left side is still partially paralyzed. I took some deep breaths and when I felt okay, I got up, threw my trash away and came to my room to talk on the phone. No nausea, no shaking, no blurred vision. Was this just dizziness from my medicine? A panic attack?

I was going to ween myself down on the keppra back to what i was on before but like i said in my other entry, I am afraid I will have a grand mal so I have not changed back. I am still taking the 1000 mg in the morning and 1000 at night. I looked up panic attacks and was convinced that majority of the time I am just having a panic or anxiety attack when I randomly feel dizzy then it goes away. My neurologist is convinced that I am not having seizures at all and everything is psychological.

I know I have anxiety, depression, and parasomnias but its like every situation is different. Sometimes I can take deep breaths and Im fine. sometimes I cant talk at all. Sometimes I feel like Im moving in slow motion, sometimes I wake up feeling like Ive been fighting and my limbs have been all twisted up, sometimes I feel tingling in my limbs, sometime I have spasms and jerks. Sometimes my heart beats extremely fast. Sometimes it beats so slow I think im going to pass out. Sometimes I stare into space. Sometimes I cant open my eyes. Sometimes I fall asleep. sometimes I stay conscious.

Its all very frustrating because my neurologist says when you have a seizure you dont see it coming. but for me i nearly always see it coming. If Im sleeping, it wakes me up and happens. When Im awake I immediately break my focus and do something to stop it from happening. I guess my neurologist think this is just anxiety since I feel it coming but I think its more.

(by the way, I had just eaten an egg white sandwich with cheddar spinach and tomatoes then took my medicine before this happened so there was plenty of protein (Im vegetarian) and medicine in my system before this happened.)