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opened my big mouth again


ksmith

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I was reading Katrina's post about how she may say somethings and it is interpreted as mean or off. That hit me like a ton of bricks. That so explains the story of my life. I've noticed that my husband is more gentle than I am so when I react or speak, he takes it as the correct way I'm trying to convey my thoughts or feelings. I told him I'm a walking contradiction. Don't say this to me but understand that I'm always not meaning this when I say that. I'm sure he is walking on eggshells. I have apologized before but because I 'look' normal, I should have better control over my emotions. I'm just ranting here. I feel bad about things I say and do but my emotions are so raw and I say or do what I mean and that doesn't mean I don't appreciate everything he's done. I've told him to come onto this site and talk with other caregivers to better understand. he was raised if you have a problem, you deal with it yourself. This 'stroke' concept is foreign to his family. Like I should have been fixed by now. You do all your therapies and such for you to get better. I've shared with him many times that this not affected me but the family as a whole. I guess some people are just raised with a way to be and deal with things. Stinks when you come from a medical background and family and you understand stroke as personal as well as professional.

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Kelly: as hubby is patient and understanding of you, so must you be of him. If StrokeNet is not for him, that is OK.

 

I can't tell you how many times a day Bruce says "No" meaning that was not what he meant. And part of that is Bruce was always a great listener. When he did speak, he was usually searching for the "A" response. Confrontation is a horror for him. So if I say which shoes? It can take 15 minues of some sort of dissertation (LOL) until we get to the shoes.

 

Yes, it can be hurtful and like your husband, I know Bruce is usually mixed up. I do try to be patient and wait until he gets himself turned around. And there are days he is just too frustrated to do it. We just try not to dwell on the "I'm sorry" because that can be all day long.

 

Taking a time out - for either of you - may help. Debbie

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Kelly :

 

I had same complaints about hubby that he would never even come on this site & was critical of me needing this support group till we both realized we all are different & have different way of needing support or coping mechanism. It does not make him wrong or right, its just different. & what I understood after 20+ years of marriage you can't change a person, you can change only yourself & happiness is my choice. I feel at the end of the day peace & happiness like God is our goal how we reach to that goal like different religion path is really immaterial. hope you understand that & start writing 5 things about him u love every night. & you will see there is no conflict. He is great man &is by your side in sickness & in health.

 

Asha

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Hello Kelly, my husband and I are like beer and wine. He does not understand why Iam always on Strokenet. I told him stop saying that and I need Strokenet, it has kept me on the straight and narrow and stop me from losing my mind. Tom, does not like argueing, he just says "okay babie" and goes get a drink. I like to get my point accoss, after the stroke, I get on my high horse, I feel it is the meds Iam on. Like Asha says, he is by my side through sickness and health, and you can't change a person, plus I would not want Tom to change,love him the way he is.

 

Okay enought of that

 

Yvonne

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Kelly (and Katrina)....I don't think it's so much you speaking honestly as this society is being trained to be thin skinned. They are becoming distraught about every little thing (most of which would have bothered no one a couple of decades ago). Less sensitivity would be a good thing for everyone.

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