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8 months


follys

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it has been 8 months since my august 5 event. ischemic stroke (mild). it has left me with a different gait, some numbness in tips of my fingers and occasionally sensations of tingling in left foot. the day of the stroke I experience much tingling (a little like pins in various places on the foot) this went away and would you believe it came back today. maybe its function is to remind me that I am really mortal and had better use whatever time I might have left cause it won't last forever.

after reading and thinking about Benita's entry yesterday I decided that if in my cognitive decline my personality changes to one of anger at people, I will definitely accelerate the end. I am really a mild person and am comfortable with that and to become one who is harming others is not acceptable. I can only hope that if I get to that state I will be able to hasten the departure of david from the world.

 

thinking back after the second stroke(which was 1 mo after the first) I noticed that the heel of my right foot was cold, but would you believe when I felt it with my hand it was quite warm. this went on for quite a while. was not a pain but simply a sensation.

 

a practical implication of my present concern of cognitive deterioration is not to have a colonoscopy. as I have been a vegan for the last 25 years the chance of colon cancer is unfortunately small. but if it can provide an exit path I am ready. the downside is that there will probably be a whole bunch of pain but I would I think rather have the pain than sink slowly into nothing particularly if I become not me as can happen.

 

it is really so good to have others that I can say things to that understand. to all on this net I say thank you very much.

 

david

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David,

 

I am very sorry to hear you had yet another stroke, mild or not. You have been through so much, I totally understand your feelings. John feels the same way. Like yours, his cognitive abilities have not been affected by his stroke. However, he remains paralyzed on his left side; can only walk with a hemiwalker and me holding on to his belt. And also like you, his personality has not taken a turn for the worst, although he suffers with depression. We have discussed his wishes in the event he has another stroke. He is very clear about his desire to forego treatment if there is any chance he would come out of it worse off than he is now. I respect his feelings on this matter. I can not image living in his body, or yours for that matter. I am in no position to judge the two of you. Having said that, I pray that you and all the others affected by this disabiling trauma find peace and comfort in your lives!

 

Also, John and I just went to the gastro doctor last Friday. He has been due for a colonoscopy for some time now. The stroke threw us off track for awhile. He had poylops at his last colonoscopy. The doctor is reluctant to do a regular colonoscopy, so he has ordered a virtual colonoscopy. You still have to poop your brains out prior to the procedure, but it is a CT scan (I think).

 

In any case, know that I am thinking good thoughts for you and your future. Also know that I understand that you can only have so much of you taken from you, before you are no longer David.

 

 

Cathy

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Sorry to hear you had another mild stroke! I am too new to strokenet to offer much advice, but I just wanted to say I am sorry for you and to offer support, thoughts and prayers! Tina

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I guess I'm not doing too well at expressing myself. I had the last stroke aug 5 and today is 8 months from that stroke. although I had some pins and tingles I do not think this was another stroke. thank you both for your thoughts and prayers.

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Hello David, I am please that you have not another stroke. I understand David, that if you have another one , it does not take so much of you that you are not the David we know and love. I haded one stroke, and have been blessed with my phyiscal well being. My personal being has changed. I still thing of other people, and care that they have food, clothes, and some where to live. I get so angry, at the world and people who say and do things that are so selfish. Friday, went with my grandkids to see a movie in the Park. In front some adults that would not keep still. I felt my temper rising, and before I could stop myself, I shouted" can not see" with alot of attuide, now there were four of them, my daughter told me to be quiet, but I was ready to rumble! I have a doctor scrip to go to a neruro. I don't want to be that person who loves to fight and act like I have no values! Mr. Stroke as taken so much from us, but I am goting to fight it David.

Prayers are on they way

 

Yvonne

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good for you Yvonne! I don't seem to get into situations that disturb me probably because I am somewhat of a hermit. I do like people but they are not part of my daily schedule.

 

your comment reminds me of Richard prior - Alzheimer's victim and advocate who tells of an Alzheimer's bill of rights.

 

would you have done the same thing with regard to the 4 people if you had been there before your stroke.

 

thank you Yvonne for your words and prayers.

 

david

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Take care of yourself big guy God knows where you are and He is not ready for you yet so do some living and enjoying yourself in this life!!!

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