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DRAMA......


wiremanranch

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Drama. It's what has been the center of my attention lately. My Dad just went through a heart cath and they found an artery that was 90% blocked. It started with him becoming ill with the flu. Due to his heart ( right side only working at 10% he had some issues. His specialist did a heart cath and put a stent to open the artery. He did not have any damage to his heart. He was very lucky. But my sister, my mom, my dad are stating he did indeed have a heart attack. His specialist, his doctor and I did hear it all..... said he did not. My sister is very, how should I put it.... very vane, selfish. I had an extremely estranged relationship with her. After my stroke I wanted to include her in my life. I would invite her to many outings or just go out to dinner and she would waint to the last minute to cancel or would not tell me at all. This deal with my Dad has been it for me. I have always had all Holiday dinners at my house, have no problem with that except because she is still mad at me as I am going off of what the doctors said "he was lucky" he did not have a heart attack, She will not attend Easter and she is upset of my opinion. I have no clue why we as a family our torn between the glass half full or empty. Me if someone said I did'nt have a stroke I would be all over it. For some reason my family wants the symphony. I told my sister I was done. Done meaning to not bother me any more, I hate it, that it turned out this way. But it was a one way street. This is the short version. I understand how short life can be.... she does not. And I am a good person. Just having a hard time dealing with this crap. My family means the most to me. I guess it will just be the immediate family.

Terry

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The ideal family is only what we see in movies. The rest of us struggle with one family member or another who is out of the picture. Like you I try to keep in touch regardless of outcome but to be the one making the moves all the time does get old fast.

 

Go on and enjoy the holidays with or without imput from your family Terry.

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It seems families sometimes tend to get on each other's case instead of supporting each other in times of troubles. I have been there. You just do what you have to do and hopefully your sister will come around.

 

Julie

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true --- what sue said, we tend ( I used to anyhow) put into our mind the "perfect" picture of family….. except the human factor gets in the way…. i grew up in a very poor family when dad died we the kids had to pay to bury him --- no fight, just each gave our share…. other families fight over who got what how much and when…. and i always thought as a family we were unique ( my siblings and i - i am talking about) but when mom died we had one brother who after the funeral has "passively" refused to speak to any of us… we don't know why…. so my "fairytale family" has issues to…. Dans family - i just won't go there not worth the waste of time to type…… sorry you are having the family crisis that medical situations bring out…. i do agree the glass is half full and no damage fantastic...

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It is a very long story with my sister. But I did try to have a relationship with her. I find it now very hard to maintain. My parents will do nothing. Now as far as my family this would never happen. We would make sure of it. i have a son and a daughter that live 6 miles from me that feels the same as I do. So I have no worry's except I really did want some type of relationship with my sister. I did try but it is to difficult. I will not go on any longer pretending I can change her. I have in a sense come to the end of the road with her.

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My mother is that way too. To hear her tell it, after my heart attack and MS diagnosis, on top of my strokes, all that's left for me to do is lay down! She hit the sympathy trifecta! It was sickening and embarrassing to me but she soaked up the attention like a sponge. Terry, thing is they KNOW the truth and WANT to distort it.

 

I had to learn to just let her talk. I've become a really good eye-roller and head-shaker too. Honestly, she creates more stress in my life than any good she adds and I consider doing as you have. That's a decision only you can make.

 

Jamie

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Yeah. I do not want to make it. She text'd me today. ( can't talk on the phone...) She said she love's me. It is way too much for me. I am tired. But I am also very attentive to the now. So I will see how it goes. I have been always willing to have the relationship with my sister, it is just not the other way. I am very open minded. We will see. I do not want the drama. And I love this song. It is about a father and son. The father is gone and the son live on with a certain memory I do not want.

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Right now, the door is open to my mother but I have the knowledge that she may not use it. I have no expectations of her anymore so she can't disappoint me and the relationship has to be two ways...the door is open but I won't drag her over the threshold. It isn't what either of us want but it's what works after years of trying everything else.

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Terry: short story - I promise, LOL. My best friend had a "brain bleed" two years ago. She has been on deck with Bruce's stroke for five years now. I was having trouble in that she refused to call a stroke a stroke - it is a "brain bleed". Terry, Sue walked me through this. I could confront her and lose her, or I could just accept this and move on.

 

Don't go there with her. Do not get into a confrontation about Dad's diagnosis. There is no good to come out of that. Welcome her into your home, enjoy her company. If she starts an issue, walk into the kitchen and refill drinks. If you refuse to sink to her level, you will be able to finally enjoy her company and welcome her back into your life.

 

There are some people in life, honey, that must be right. I work with one and as much as I need and respect her, that is very difficult. But know that is no reflection on you. It does not define you. What you want is peace and good times with Dad and your children. Keep that in mind and it may be a bit easier. Debbie

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Terry, I have an uneasy relationship with my only sister, from time to time she reconnects, I act as if she has been here all along. After a short while there is a blowup, something she thinks I should have done, some way she thinks I have failed her and there may be four years since the next reconnection. Works for me. I love the peace and quiet.

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Hi Terry, family you got love them! My middle sister is one that knows everything and loves to shout, and act like a spoiled brat! When I was over England, we haded a huge blow out, I did not back down! After not hearing from her for two weeks I was like Iam going back to the States and anything could happen, it be sad if I left under this cloud. So I acted like the bigger person and called, she was still acting like a child. Her husband was the one who told her off and brought her to my Parents house. She saw that I was not backing down, and she came to the airport to see me off. It is sad that they is "one" in every family. I pray for her, and do not go down to her level, but try to bring her up to mine.

 

Yvonne

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