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deal breaker



so i have been applying for jobs in our area - and believe me we actually have jobs around here…. problem --- Dan is a deal breaker…. as soon as his condition is known and that there are "emergencies" -- boom - done deal breaker.. even subway ---subway ( for crying out loud) isn't interested …now i have worked at every job i ever had for 8 years, almost 20 years and a pt job for 6 yrs….. yes i could get hired as a caretaker , but i have to save that for my husband … i think at some point something will work out, but i had to laugh subway didn't want me… so i guess mc donalds is out… I just wanted a "non" hard thinking job- just a go to work and go home type - i have always worked and supervised different aspects in my job - so thinking is not really what i want i just want a ( for lack of a better term ) a grunt jpb …oh well dan keeps me pretty busy-- and i have to think plenty around him, to prevent ell -everything- even getting him to eat is strategic - last night i made a wonderful pork roast - mashed taters, gravy and it was good… but the only way to get him to eat was to have our daughter april go sit in bed with him and watch wheel of fortune and bring in 2 plates - he tried refusing - i walked off , and since april was eating he decided to..( yes it is weird to serve in bed - not the way it used to be - but here at home i can guarantee a fight about eating if i went to get him to come to the table-- so i pick my battles).. he is back in the garage again -- and i am glad.. he feels productive -- had a hard time convincing him not to shower, since the garage is pretty dirty…. but he is in his glory sweeping and ordering me around - move this , push that,.. on and on…. i was out raking the yard a bit ( dog -doo-doo and all) i am gonna redo some stuff with that so i gotta get that all cleaned up -- i might do a garden -- and i could get 2 chickens ( city ok'd) and i could try to sneak a goat in but then i would have no garden…lol but it would be fun to watch…. they are the most fun -and destructive animal ever… so no goat, no farm anymore so no goat, but maybe the chickens ?? Rocky our 100 lb tabby -- just kidding he weighs about 20 lbs.. has had 2 uti's so we are gonna switch his food…. might have a kidney stone…i will give the cat kudo's he pee's in the bathtub when he has a uti -- the vet says they (the cat ) start to think the litterbox is what hurts so they go elsewhere… hopefully he will return to the litterbox…. so guess what ,,more money gone…. and more fun ------not ………. we are finally seeing some sunshine and decent temps but the notorious ND wind is blowing - making my raking endeavor interesting…. at least so far no more trying to jump out of the car…. but again the refusal crap ---- how instantly mad he gets - a waiter didn't bring his pop ( coke no ice) instantly when he wanted another and boy he was gonna leave…. the kid was back in like 2 min max…. we normally sit at the bar in apple bees and the servers take pretty good care of us us and "know" dan - so sitting at a table was different for us… and he had forgotten it takes a few mins. ------- the bartenders are awesome - they will literally come around and help dan get into the high chairs ( i prefer this high chair so he has to work a little , balance all that.. kinda a passive way to integrate PT and i get a weightlifting workout lol...

some other interesting observation i have made…. since dan has been playing black jack - we have the high chairs to contend with there to… and i have former inmates ( some remember me some don't) and for the most part THEY WILL always offer to help - always…. and people of "class" ( in their mind) example the former auditor of our county will sit and just watch stupidly never make any type of offer …. i am finding that interesting … kinda like aladins - honor amongst thieves ---- since i have never spent to much time in bars - i really am finding the human observation interesting ….. former inmates who do remember me are always the ones to come and say HI - and talk how they miss me or tell me how they are doing…. people from church will generally ignore us or give the passing "hi""…… well i sure wish the wind would quit blowing so i can finish up raking ( i have raked the areas where the wind doesn't hit to much)….. I have been taking the dog out and running him _ i am on bike --- at pet smart i found a device that attaches to the bike and i can keep good control of the dog while bike riding… so a little bit of exercise .. and we pulled the bike cart out the kind to pull little kids in behind a bike ( rummage sale find) and i hooked that up behind tag and we took weston for a walk - tag pulls the cart and i walk with tag -- the creative things i do for "fun" ----- dan continues to like the speech guy and the speech guy enjoys dan - and his work ethic dan always wants to do "one more" …. so just ticking along ---- nancyl


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I find that bars are where you see people as they really are! All inhibitions, good or bad, disappear. Not that I hung out much drinking (no more than necessary haha , in the food business you don't want to be too stand-offish), but with my job and where I was (very Irish) I did get a feeling of brutal honesty. And I enjoyed it, to tell the truth; here in NY everyone is trying to pull something every minute, as a matter of fact right this minute I have someone from a lock company changing all the locks on all five doors. Ray was always good at protecting us, but I feel so helpless now sometimes


The jobs, yeah. Don't think I'm going to take $9 or $10 an hour (minimum wage here). There is so much I can do on my own with a lot less aggravation. But then there is also Ray. The neverending demands and guilt. Just the way it is. Trying to deal with it psychologically lately, not doing great but with a few crutches I'm getting by for now. Anyway momentarily we will soon have security access keys, I did not like the way the newest aide acted, reminded me of 1) the first one who had his wife and son over and couldn't stop talking about how nice our house was, and 2) Pat with her holy roller spiel yet Ray's bracelet disappeared on her watch. This new lady is a combo of it all and more. I had a very bad night and do NOT want to go through another like that. Woke up at 3AM in full panic attack. At least I feel like I'm being proactive, I am also going to set up the spycam by the staircase finally just in case.

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Nancy: our Dietician is retiring in June. She works in my office and we have been together for over 15 years - my age basically and same ethics. We get an hour together twice a week - I don't have to take the BR break - Erma is at my house.


My dream job: the Personal care/batteries area of our S&S is never marked properly. You know how I shop. That marking is up to the unit manager and obviously he/she could care less. I will come in at 10pm. Stock and mark all your merchandise in these areas. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't do customer service. I will be on time and you can trust the section will be in tip-top order. I will work part time. I will need to take my breaks off the premises - Bruce checks - but I will surely make up any time I miss.


Dietician says I will have to lift boxes. That is OK. I can do up to 50lbs (cat litter - LOL). And if you are having a great sale, you can call me to come in and restock during the week.


That is just an example, honey. That is what you and I bring to the plate and that is how we sell ourselves.


I can't help you with the Dan issues. What works for Bruce and I, won't necessarily work for you. But I do see, from your own description, is that Dan seems to make a knee-jerk reaction (I am sure it is a control issue) and then, given time to reconsider (April eating) will change his mind. I know he loves a good meal. So start an hour before dinner (just do one meal to start), let him refuse and pout. Come serving time, just maybe he will agree to join you at the table. Just a thought. Go easy. Debbie

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What Debbie is writing about here we can merchandising. Merchandising you can do in your own hours as long as you meet deadlines. Usually you work either for an agency or for a manufacturer with multiple products in a supermarket. I did think about that early in my time at home with Ray but he couldn't be left at all because of his balance issues. In today's world I could have got a telecommuting job at home or run a business online from home...who knows?


Good luck with finding a job that fits in with your lifestyle. I think there is something out there for you if you have the patience to find it.



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I am right now signed up with a big merchandising/demo company, they do everything from supermarkets to Target to liquor stores. $15 to $20 hour. I did demos for a dog food company for seven years right up til Ray had the stroke. It was easy money. You do have to account for your time, and often have to call in from the store's phone when you arrive and leave with your 'figures". They do keep an eye on you. Supervisors will pop in for surprise visits. And you WILL have to interact with the store employees and managers on some level. But I loved it, so different from my regular job.


Then I realized it wasn't going to be feasible. Too many chances for emergencies etc. I used to be the most dependable employee but not anymore.

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Nancy :


why not try something online work from home. I would assume all business owners will want dependable employee, hope you find something



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I have tried to find something online to do myself to no avail! If you come across something like that Nancy let me know! Or if anyone else knows of something let me know. Sure would like to have a little more income.

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I have seen i believe it is american greeting cards -- that look for people to go to stores and sort the cards --- the hours are flexible and they seem to have tons of "openings" since it is only a few hours a couple days a week --- it is a legit job as it was linked through the ND job service and it showed lots of areas of the country with openings -- i did send a link to colleen as i noticed her area was one of the places listed… maybe colleen can link that over to you or … face book me you email - and i will see if i can get it to you..

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cindy -- i face booked you the info -- but then thought hey there are others ----- go to american greetings employment - make sure you have the actual corporation page -- than click on merchandiser employment and it shows you all the areas in the country and what they will pay… it is only a few hours a day a couple days a week - you go in straighten out the greeting cards - pull them - put new ones out set up displays etc…. i even knew a gal here in just who used to do -- she pretty much set her own hours based on the deadlines and needs...

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i kinda wanted to add this to my entry - and didn't want to start a new blog narrative…. the other day dan was in bed and wanted me to wash the patio door window in the bedroom - ao he could instruct (LOL) anyhow -- he finally got mad cause the words up was not up down was not down nothing was coming out making any sense.. so he decided he was gonna show me how…. well i got him up the brace, shoes etc. and sat him on the chair .. i pushed him over to the window and said i will be right back i am gonna grab a new cloth- so i run into the bathroom ( which connects to the bedroom) come back and he had somehow managed to pull himself up and must have been thinking he was gonna do it… except ( we all know the "except") he lost his balance and was standing bouncing his head into the wall in a attempt to balance himself, he was rapidly falling backwards - i got to him in time - but again how quick things go "south"….. nancyl

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This is the place I am signed up with, they sound great but I'm not sure it would work out for me. But I've done this kind of work before and they sounded like a great company.


Around here you start at $15 hour.


However as Nancy says, it might just be a dream, even though it's part time with no direct supervision.

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