the ND weather has finally straightened out to the point, i can spend a little time outside… Horray -- feels good to go to bed physically tired… not that i don't with Dan but of course you all know what i mean.. been raking and picking and cleaning and watching lil man Weston… I did try to zap myself -- dan had a really great long extension cord - one of the few things i brought from the farm when we moved … it is long and thick - but the end was burned out - and dan also had a very nice new end he had bought with the intention of repairing it… well i did --- but almost electrocuted myself in the process… and yes i know better and i have put new ends on before…. but well it was plugged in when i went to cut into the wire…oops --"smokin" as Dan would say…. POP - smoke , spark and weston was out playing in the yard - ran and hid in the garage.. and peeked out you OK gramma…. i am sitting with smoke just laughing at my own stupidity… the cutter i was using had a big hole blown into it as well… it was so funny ( and yes stupid and dangerous all at once) just one of those things… i finally got the breakers rest in the house and the new end on the cord and got hedges trimmed and pine needles blown , and leaves raked… and i have been burning them in my burning barrel for the last few days - i plan to use the ash in the garden i am planning… i have tons of pine needles on the other side of my fence i am gonna have to use a pitch fork to get that pulled out - i don't want it to rot out the fence… I don't think the previous owners did that… there is about 1 foot deep of them … if i can get the right day i have a big bag i saved from our mattress purchase i can try to blow them into…. and a really ugly tree has got to go…… Dan has been sweeping the garage - which makes me run back and forth to check on him and try to complete my tasks… he was trying to kill a spider today outside on the patio and got so disgusted he couldnt do it…. he just couldn't track it with his vision …. but he did spend a bit of time out on the patio with me as i cleaned out the rocks ( pine needles the blower didn't get) and was pretty picky in his instructions to me… grrrrr … but he did sit and pet the dog …. Tag ( dog) so enjoyed sitting in the sun getting his ears rubbed…

We didn't do much for easter - every one was gone --- weston was over for a bit in the morning before heading off with his parents to his other grandmas place.. i had not planned anything, and i am glad i did not .. i just enjoyed the day… and so did dan…. the neighbors seen him sitting in the garage and waved to him - HI DAN… ( such a far cry from days past- old condo ) and dan said "adios amigos ." that has become his greeting to virtually everyone - and that was never something he would have said -- but adios amigos - is the hello and goodbye for him now almost 100 % of the time..

dan almost fell today he totally misestimated where the chair was and instead of sitting straight down where i had him and was helping him he turned sideways on me and started to sit… i caught him and we both laughed - and both of us were like what was that all about ?? - he had no idea why he turned like that - but man that was a close one….. my back is aching a bit from that little catch - but hey all in a caregivers day right ? --- when we were down in the cities ( the time dan wouldn't get out of bed) - i had shorts on sitting at the pool watching the kids and my kids ( grownups) where like wow mom - where did you get that bruise it was huge and purple.. half my leg was colored purple… and it hurt if i touched it… but really out side of remembering something happened with the wheelchair and car door -- i can't remember exactly where it came from… the last of that bruise just went away… but of course like all of us i have other unexplained ones… ( not in the cancer or blood disorder type of way ) just the everyday -- WHACK-- type bruise .. i even had a very small bruise by my eye for a few days dan was trying to grab something and with his vision so off - BAM i got smacked … we laughed it off.. in the old days i would have been so mad… but since this wouldn't have happened in the old days - it is moot…… well caregiving is not for the faint of heart or the weakling either LOL-- gotta take a hit now and then from a car door or a wheelchair or any other number of things…

I thank god everyday for the port for hyderation - what a difference ….. and i am so careful when hooking up the IV - i do not want him to ever have a problem where a port is not a option… i sure wish he would drink enough , but he just can't nothing tastes right … our daughter complained how there is no good candy in the house anymore.. dan used to like peanut m&m's and snickers and butterfingers now he will eat licorice and mike and ikes--- thats about it for a treat… so there isn't much for goodies anymore… i try to avoid -- i am gaining weight to quick right now…. but hopefully now that i can go outside and do some cardio type stuff i will stabilize… lonleyness brings on addiction i can clearly see that…. right now i guess i am medicating with food…

Hey i bought a bike off of crags list -- to run tag with seems to be a bit better although our wind makes it difficult to tell for sure.. but i am more stable when out running the dog …

I hope everyone had a good easter - and had time to reflect on the sacrifice made on all our behalves so that we can enter heaven and be reunited with our heavenly father and loved ones… Nancyl...