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My return to work



well i have greatly enjoyed my "return to work"…. But - oh yes their is that but - Dan is not happy, same old tricks -- not eating, not drinking, not taking his meds…. I can tell a seizure will be coming soon…. I got him to take his pills this morning, but tonight who knows…. and it might be the seizure aura is the reason for the mood and not the mood causing the aura…. or maybe no seizure is coming - heck i have no idea !! which cam first the chicken or the egg??? The kids are encouraging me - but we are having interfamily issues …. we are a close loving family , but maybe a little to close… makes for drama which is not helping dans mood. But we are his family and even if he don't like the grand kids - they are OURS… like it or not…. I will probably call sara or debbie or colleen for a pep talk or all 3 - who knows - thank god for stroke net…. I would be insane - if i did not have the connections stroke net has provided ….. i am very conflicted - feeling guilty - sad- tired- mad- --- do i give up ? do i go forward… do i cry - do i yell ?? what am I allowed to have ? What is Dan allowed to have. 3 years of total 24/7 care from me almost exclusively is it enough ?? Am i asking to much? I just need a couple months to solidify my skills . Then i can fit the job to my life better… ARGHHHHH



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I know that it difficult. Wm I never very happy about my work, but it does make me feel better. I iike having time away . I need it for my sanity. I do hope that every thing works our for you.


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Nancy: I went back to work just about 2 years post stroke. And really it was my colleagues who pushed - said I needed time away, something I loved. And while I had to private pay for caregivers for Bruce, I did have the benefit of being able to choose from the best. Not everyone has that.


I do understand that you are asking for help from the family while you are figuring out if this is going to work for you. But if you have paid caregiver help available, you have to take a page out of Colleen's books and sign up the paid help. That gives the family some time off. It won't be much and no, Dan will not like any of them, but you just pick up your purse and head out the door.


When Bruce would do nothing with the caregivers and said he wanted to be left alone, we worked for months making sure he was safe. And I told him I would not give up Erma. I still have all the personal grooming, but at least the light housework and laundry get done.


I do feel guilty and I know Bruce does best with me. But at what point does Bruce take some responsibility for Bruce? And you can't tell me Dan can't take some responsibility for himself either. He can eat, take his pills, drink. No, he may not be able to prepare them for himself, but he can certainly do his part. My mantra is "show me you want recovery as much as I want it for you. Then work half as hard at that recovery as I do." Debbie

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Nancy, I feel your pain. Yes it is hard, but don't give up. I love Debbie mantra, and she is correct. Dan can do a lot more then he cares for, and he is using the guity method. My dear you have nothing to feel gutily about. Family, again agree with Debbie, get paid help, so you know that they are there, help with Dan, and housework. Now if Dan does not want to work with the help, okay, make sure he is safe, and go throught the door!


Do come on strokenet, and vent, cry, shout, we are family and that is what we are here for, to lift one another up!


Take care, all the best in the job



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Hey Nancy, you didn't ask us for directions but me being the survivor for ten years now and not knowing Dan's ability to spend a number of hours at home alone, I think he could or should be OK especially if you call him and check in a few times during your work hours!!


I feel he knows what he can do and what he shouldn't try to do while you are at work!! I'm looking at the added family income in the household with you being back at work and your own sanity for a change up in hourly care for him after this many years.


So happy working again and much success for both of you!! Maybe I am a little more able bodied with the help of my scooter (thank God) but I been home alone for 8 out of 10 years since my stroke, yea I'm claiming it, it's all mine but I'm doing my very best to get better!!


With my wife going back to work for 8 years now we were able to pay our house off last November and we bought it in 2000. I took it to 15 years in 2003 then the stroke a year later causing me to sell my business and slow down on house payments.... So her returning to work helped us to pay off the balance early.... She will be 62 in July and me 73 but she wants to work until age 70 to get more retirement from her 401K Plan!!!


I'm sure the extra income with you working will be great!!!!!

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Unfortunatley outside of the few mins. here and there - dan is not of a functioning level to be left home alone… I wish !!! But maybe we can get a better system worked out - right now we are just a family trying to "pull off the impossible"-- he did snap out of it… for now…...

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oh and there won't really be extra income -- the job pays basically what i pay caregivers - yes even the kids….. they have to come about 350 miles from the cities to do this… but i feel more productive.. i think? today went OK but i can tell dan is " thinking",…..

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Nancy: up until about 9 months ago, i had the same thing. My check paid the caregivers. I think I had about $20.00 leftover at the end of the week. But it still was the best decision I made at the time. That I do believe. Got my mind back - LOL.


Dan "thinking" may be a good thing honey. You know I will pray for that. I certainly know that he can not stay by himself, but if he would just take care of his responsibilities without a tantrum, that would certainly be a help. And you could head out the door knowing he was medicated, warm and safe and certainly in good hands.


Keep us updated Nancy. so excited for you. Debbie

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Nancy, I feel your pain. Mike has absolutely forbid me to return to work. He is fully capable of taking care of himself. I think he is scared to be alone. I am so hoping that one day he will get over it but as u say "It is what it is"!!!

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