Nancy, I had an expression for Ray's neglect, his disregard for me and any pain I was in. I used to say:"It's the dementia talking." Now i know Dan does not have dementia but he does have brain damage so it is the brain damage talking. The same for the hate looks, it is not Dan, the lovely man you married, it is the brain damage. So let it go, smile brightly, move on, nothing else you can do. I got too hurt just feeling hurt so acceptance was the way out. Accept, smile, move on. Just my two cents worth. But BIG (((hugs))) for you as you struggle with all of this.

Sue.

Oh Nancy, I am tired just after reading this, I can't even imagine. Are you going to get to stay overnight at the hospital? Maybe you can pretend you're at a 5 star resort on vacation, bring some fun stuff with you......doesn't take much to make us happy, does it?.

i am gonna ask for a overnight stay - and since i always bottom out with my B/P i will most likely have to anyhow…. and i want dan to see me there -- only because he might be able to retain the thought i can't help him , he needs to do better… - i don't know --- Mrs ND said she will come and be with me in the hospital since family will need to be with dan ---- but we will see what tomorrow brings --- today i do feel better -- i just had to vent --- i am truly grateful for the things i do have - it can always get worse - it has and it does… today i lit a fire under the family and sent everyone in all directions to complete their duties ;;; lol ---- except dan who is sleeping since he had his big card nite with his son, later it is shower day - always a good time happening there lol..

So sorry Nancy. I hope you get that time alone and start to feeling well. I will be praying for you. The situation with Dan is just so unbearable.

Take care,

Julie

Ah, shower day. Today was Ray's but he begged me to wait until tomorrow. Off to mow the lawn now.....

Nancy :

you will be in my prayers. I am glad I am survivor & not a caregiver. all the caregivers blogs on this site opens up my eyes & make me realize what I can do to make my spouse's life easier if I want him around for long time. thanks for writing sweat, blood & all that goes in taking care of someone. & how difficult it is to take care of when some one is so non thankful.

Asha

I echo Asha - in my thoughts and prayers, always. And Nancy I don't think it was "you lazy bitch." Somehow really it was more of a pout or temper tantrum. Trust me, there is no consideration of you in that at all. I find it is always about him (meaning Bruce). And in that regard, Sue is right. You have to smile and move on.

If you are really not up to going, don't go! What is he going to do? Just like with the card playing, he will either go with whoever offered to take him or not. Another hunger strike? that doesn't bother you at all - you have handled that time and again. And it is not like you do this every day - once a month maybe? It is OK to say no every once in a while.

Good luck tomorrow and do let us know and also Dan's tooth issue. Rest - Debbie

shower day happened but so did a mood-- he had to go to the bathroom #2 but his compulsion to clean the sink got in the way - so fresh from the shower he stood and pooped on the floor ( he had no underwear or attends on ) so all over the socks, brace , shoes, floor urghhhh.. so i am trying to clean it up and not for one moment did he stop his cleaning - he was mad about all of it and didn't know what else to do i suppose but geez. i was hoping he wouldn't have a blow out while i was bent over behind him cleaning up the floor and the shoes ect. -- luckily he did not…i sent the kids and their kids out to the lake cabin ( aprils our daughters cabin - certainly not ours-lol--) and told them to spend the night i have tomorrow off and just want a whole lot of NOTHING…… i found a wine called middle sister - since i am a middle sister i think i am gonna give it a try tonight - to bad caregivers mostly get to drink alone -- another thing to celebrate …. grrrrrr and asha what you wrote was beautiful , and i never feel better than when a person who is being caregived for by a spouse- acknowledges my / our heartaches ….. we all will hang in there - we have no options ( at least no good ones) ….

by the way middle sister wine isn't that great...

Nancy you are having a really rough time, I hope today things improve and you can enjoy your day off, instead of wishing you were at the office instead. And sorry to hear about the wine too ;-)

It's important to draw the line and I'm glad you have. He may freak out because your line may interrupt his comfort zone but your health is crucial, both to you AND him. Stay healthy and happy. It's not all about the survivor. It's about the whole family

Nancy, Debbie has given you good advice. Dan may not know how rude he is being to you and that is also why you have to stand up to him. He may start to understand then, but if he doesn't, then just walk away. If he is overly demanding again and you give in, he wins and you are ruining your health over it.

JMHO

I wish you well as I do Dan and I hope things start to get better.

Julie

the dentist didn't find much wrong -- sensitivity he figures sprayed down his teeth with a solution to help with sensitiveness … so with that nerve apian and receptors all jumbled up who knows ------ arghhh in bed now napping and now i go to my appt…we shall see...

so surgery the 15th --- shouldn't be a big deal -- i hope...

Nancy, I am praying that the surgery goes well on the 15th, get you some rest though in the hoptial they like waking you up at 5am to take tests! Like Sue said, Dan has brain damage and you need to smile and move on. You are a great caregiver, and I don't know how you carefivers do it. But saying "NO" is okay try it sometime it will do you goood LOL. Also please that Dan teeth is doing better. Now focus on you Nancy, you need to get some "me" time,You and Dan are in my prayers

God bless Yvonne