Do i have the power/ energy ?
so i went and got my blood transfusion yesterday --and today i am scheduled for a ultrasound to see if maybe i need a hysterectomy.. the doc feels i just bleed more than i can make "at that time" - sparing the guys - sorry…
So i feel a bit better but bit is the right word - i was hoping to wake up and jump out of bed… but part of it is - well who else, DAN… Since i hd the transfusion yesterday and worked a few hours and etc. I didn't see him much , what a crab… he refused to eat yesterday ( his favorite way to "show me") and this morning he insisted on a shower at 0600 - knowing full well ( i am probably giving to much credit ) but in my mind i perceive him as knowing - i am very tired still… so i got him up and showered and thought -OK- maybe i can get him out for breakfast before i go to work - or something to "shake it up for Dan " but nope -- just more MUTE miserableness…. - i can do the physical work - but the emotional part of caring for him is very , very hard…. ahy can't he just be nice…and then i answer my own question he has brain damage - what do i expect ?? - we have a large amount of family coming to our area the next 2 weekends.. they will be camping out at april and wades camper - so they won't be here… but if i can't get dan to go - then i will miss out … although i am gonna talk to the home care worker maybe she could come on a sturdy if dan is gonna be tantruming… but i have written this blog before --- what will dan do, how will his mood affect our lives… we just go around and around… and although i wish and sometimes fool myself into thinking he can't control my emotions he still can - very much so, it just makes it so hard to function… grrr.. todays frustration is yesterdays frustration …. nothing changes except the day of the week - and that just keeps coming around to….
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