the weekend is here and it actually "matters" !!
while caring for Dan has been what i want and intend to do - part of marriage… i have missed out on working , and being soooo young ( lol) i am excited to be working again… so far so good, as far as the caretaker goes for Dan -- although i pay her 1.50 more per hour than i earn ---- it is what it is… but today is friday - i got off work early and hooray - it feels like a weekend… being home for the past two years one day is just like the next - for both myself and dan, now it is sorta exciting for it to be the weekend - even if we do nothing….
I guess i feel like a i was a inmate on "home confinement" - although - Free- i wasn't really allowed to leave and if i did not for long. and as bad as i feel i am sure dan feels worse.. he was such a go getter, clean this, change that, get er done the of guy who is now mostly in bed - although i am gonna move the recliner from the kids cabin i bought last year to the bedroom - he might use it ? it is one of the - stand up kind- --- but not overly huge - since dan isn't a very big guy… so it is kinda nice to be working again and appreciated - my boss told me he hasn't been "this productive" for 3 years… mostly cause he doesn't get caught on the phone - because i can field the calls pretty well and answer legal lingo things having worked the field so long and already knowing the clerks of courts the judges the clients and the terminology and the "rules" of the jail and sentencing expectations… so i can pull a file and tell client A - yes - we can put that request in for you, and you have a reasonable expectation for a positive outcome or - no we can put it in but it probably won't go as well as you hope..
and now since we have no more speech per say - the guy has a contract in AK for a few weeks , but will come back and do some followup work with dan - he is mostly volunteering - since Dan has been such a star student in terms of trying for his speech - to get as much back so he can effectively communicate --- and in some ways he has come so far -- ( mostly attitude and he gives a crap again) - but in other ways he has actually regressed - physically . it is painful for him to move around a lot so more and more i see him - giving up that part of his life…. but if it hurts and aches all the time who can blame him… on the other hand if he moved more would it hurt less, ? I don't have the answer just questions .. and i think it just must hurt to much…. i do see him doing a lot of his own stretching his arm and what not so i think he has just decided his own capabilities - LIMITED - and gonna stick to just working on acceptance ?? so not a lot to report mostly i write now as a outlet and the feed back is so nice ------- now if i don't give myself another adrenaline reaction --- i should be getting a transfusion next week - we got doctor issues here to… so frustrating playing the musical doc game… gotta wait for the first available ( and my doc MADE it happen) to see her get a physical eval done, write her recommendation , have me cross matched at the hospital ,order the blood and get the treatment… a transfusion is not always the best option but for me and my needs - taking care of dan i have to get back on my feet and quick… plus i would like to show my boss i am sharper than the dull pencil he has as a employee right now -- plus my vision will improve --lol-- and i can "see " what is in front of me…. lol --- i hate being dumbed down ---- frustrating - want to work , but the work pushes me over the edge just a little bit, hopefully i can get myself back up and running i can hang in there ---- thats me having a little bit of normal back… maybe ??
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