The colonoscopy went well because I did not have any seizures or panic attacks. The bad part is they did not heavily sedate me so I was awake the whole time feeling everything and it hurt! The surgeon removed a polyp and he said I have colitis. I guess I will find out more when I follow up next week.

I am glad to be back to my apartment. I had one anxiety attack on Wednesday when I initially got to my dad's house but Wednesday night and last night were pretty scary. It was like a repeat of Sunday night. I kept waking up every few hours with my heart racing and scared. Sometimes I would be yelling for my dad, sometimes I would be yelling out "No!", and sometimes I was just laying there shaking thinking please help me God.

Today did not start out any better. Yesterday I took a nap after the procedure but I jumped up yelling for my dad because it felt like I was going to have a seizure. I figured it was just the sedation or pain medicine wearing off but since I experienced the same thing all night, I was frustrated when it happened again today. Earlier I was in the kitchen with my dad and started to feel weird so I went to my room to sit down and calm myself down but once again I felt I was going to have a seizure. I called for my dad. I was really dizzy. I asked him if I was okay. He just stood there until I felt normal. A few hours later I was reading a book and it happened again so I called my dad out of breath scared to death that I was about to have a seizure. By the time he got home I was fine.

Now I am back in my apartment. I felt like being at my dad's house reminded me too much of the seizures. I think Im going to start taking a multivitamin. Drinking a soda and eating a snack cake sure didnt stop me from freaking out earlier. I don't eat a lot of fast food but I mostly eat a lot of frozen or boxed meals so maybe it is my diet. I dont know.

I have no plans this weekend anymore. I was supposed to be going out to dinner and open mic poetry night with some girlfriends but the girl I ride with cant go and its not safe for me to do all of that driving especially after it gets dark. Im trying not to get discouraged. It would be nice if I could just live my life without having weird random brain attacks. Sometimes I feel scared to even do things because the attacks seem to happen when Im enjoying myself or when Im just doing something passive and least expect it. Okay enough complaining