I just wanted to let you guys know I am doing good. Still waiting on my blood work results but I decided to tackle the anxiety. My colonoscopy follow up went well. I had a polyp removed and have to go back in 2 months. Seeing my therapist on Friday was very good because I felt good. The last time I blogged, I was having a horrible day. Since then, I decided to just "let go and let God" as they say. I mean I was so focused on keeping my mind on God and busying myself with reading, praying, listening to sermons. But my time with God began to turn into anxiety. Everyone from church kept telling me to just stay focused on God and He would protect me from the attacks. But there was no balance. From the time I woke up in the morning until the time I went to bed my whole day was filled with thinking about God but the anxiety made it worse. If I went a day without an attack I would thank God but then pray that I wouldn't have one that night then pray that I wouldn't have one the following day. I could hardly think of anything else.

Every time I was in church I was either thanking God and believing in faith that I would have no more attacks or going up for prayer and deliverance from the attacks. It reminded me of when I used to pray that God would heal me from the effects of the stroke and depression. I prayed so much, it consumed me so much that I just wanted it so bad and it was all I could think of so when God didn't answer my prayers I began to hate Him and just feel despair.

So before it got to that level I just made the decision to not think about anxiety, not pray about anxiety, nothing. I still read my Bible daily and I give thanks and pray for others but it has helped me immensely to not think about anxiety. My sleeping has gotten better and the attacks have felt more like anxiety than panic. Only about 2 came completely out of the blue. The other 3 were either brought on by me thinking about it or talking about it. I did not have any at all on Thursday, Friday, or Sunday.

It has been a process trying to figure out what to do throughout my day and just relax without worrying about the devil attacking my mind but I know I will be working soon and will have that work/social/spiritual life balance that I have been missing