Wow, Nancy! You do have your plate full.  It is good to see that you have written all of these thoughts down. They are better out than in.  I have only a small idea of what you are going through. The saying "no" to babysitting the grandkids. I have had to say no more than once and that was so hard. And saying no to watching their dog while they go on vacation. We have always been available no matter what for making life easier for the kids. But at my age, I am finally learning to say no and not feel guilty. Nancy go when you can and enjoy what ever time you have to get away from your "job" per say.  I am trying to learn to do that. But because my husbands stroke is still so new, I am afraid almost to leave the room. He has taken a couple of bad falls and I so worry about something more happening.  I really enjoyed reading your blog this morning.  This sounds silly I suppose but it makes me feel so "not alone" when I am having negative thoughts.  I will ask God to simply put a smile on your face today, and in  your heart.  

And know that your written words are helping more than just you.  The only comfort I can give you is "Thank you" for sharing.

And here is a smile, a hug and a silly giggle!

Hugs, Judy

So sorry Nancy.  I pray for you and Dan that things will improve.  You are strong so hang in there.  Enjoy your trip.

Julie

Nancy, you are not unlike any other normal person... how much can one person handle?   The secret here is knowing the truth.    I know the truth here.... if I go down, it ALL goes down.    We believe that taking care of them is the ultimate goal, but that is the semi-ultimate goal.   The real one is knowing that if we go down, it all does, so we have to do whatever it takes to keep the caregiver standing.    

Nancy :

I am sending you lot of virtual hugs, I know its not easy being sole caregiver of a person & its harder when person is non cooperative & bent on making life miserable for himself & all loved ones involve in their life. Sometime I feel for sanity of caregive its okay to let survivor go, it will be easier on every one involved. I know when my mom single handely took care of my dad who had alzeimer it was hardest job she ever did & after our dad passed away my, it took my mom few monthsto get her bearings back.

hugs,

Asha

Yes, been there.  No to babysitting the kids because I didn't want to change three lots of diapers, Ray's included.   Not being able to hear others prob;ems because of the thoughts going through my own head when Ray was diagnosed with various "this one might kill him" illnesses.  BUT you have to come out of this alive and I planned for that.

Remember 50% of this married life is yours.  Don't let looking after Dan encroach on that.  When it does walk away, telling him: "I have to take some time for me right now, you will have to work it out on your own."  I did that to Ray a few times, came back from my time out in the backyard (vigorously pulling up weeds helps) and he would be asleep, all the tension had worn him out. No, I don't have solutions to your problems but I do hear you loud and clear.

(((hugs))) from Sue.

I take off today for AZ-- still have that dread feeling…. i am excited but so leary, he was good the last two days and accepted the news of my leaving alright… talked to the nurse case manager and waiting for a call to set up for a psych eval… 

Just having read your story, I felt really sad and thought that I could at least write down this, so that you know you are not alone.  Nobody is alone.  I'm not caretaking my grandma alone, and noone can know how you really feel but only you, you can get out of this on your own...am sending you love and hugs from all the way from Turkey.  And, if you do have time, please get yourself some 10 mins, and try to meditate via www.headspace.com for 10 days for free, I don't want to sound like a salesperson but it does work.  I believe it does, works on me.  Hope you feel better, and wish you health and days of laughter.  Every breathe is a huge gift!

Nancy, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I had absolutely no idea how bad UTI's could be and how they can effect someone mentally until my mom's stroke.

After her 11 day stay with the first UTI / kidney issues, it wasn't two weeks later we were back with a second infection.  This is where I learned about superbugs. Five days later we finally had the infections under control.   I didn't see that same very, very mean angry mom anymore.  I can't say that she is "happy", but I believe the very angry, punching, kicking mom was due to the UTIs (now we are dealing with depression, which I guess is par for the course.)

I guess I'm trying to encourage you to ask the hospital what type of infection he has as it definitely played with my mom's mental stability. It was scary.

Well, I tried to comment, but it disappeared............maybe I need a vacation too.   lol

If you can make it to Phoenix area while in AZ, let's do a mani/pedi or a facial one day..........okay!

Sarah

Nancy, I am please that you  went to AZ,  Please that you are getting it all out.  I can only imagaine what you are going through.  Know that you and dan are in my prayers. 

Lots of hugs, and prayers are on they way.

Yvonne

Nancy, I am so sorry. But , you are not alone. Some days are not good. And yes I have enough on my plate right now. I don't want to listen to anybody else's problems. I am able to walk away and have an hour or two by myself. I pray that you have the strength to keep going second by second

Ruth