I have had so many doctors appointments. My gynecologist had me get an ultrasound of my uterus after my pap smear. Then my doctor set me up with a cardiologist so I had to see him to do an EKG last week before going to the diagnostic center so they could check my blood and thyroid. Today I had to get the ultrasound of my heart and I have no clue how I am going to sleep with all of these wires on me and this remote thing clipped to my pants. I know they are looking for palpatations. I have a paper to fill out every time I feel dizzy or whatever but I have a feeling its going to be like my EEG last year. The one time Im being monitored is probably when everything will go okay and they wont find anything. Oh well Im glad I only have to wear this thing for 24 hours. I will update you guys on how it goes but I wont follow up with the cardiologist until the end of the month.

attacks

I have only had a few scary attacks/psychogenic seizures where I thought I needed to call for help. Pretty much in the past week I've only had one or 2 a day and usually by the time I think about reacting to it, it's already ending. My cardiologist told me to put my finger in my mouth and try to blow without letting the air out so slow my heart rate so one day I got dizzy I tried to do it but by the time I put my finger in my mouth, I felt fine.

sleeping

Still have had trouble sleeping. The increase in clonazepam helps me fall asleep easier but I've still been waking up a lot, having attacks in my sleep where I wake up heart racing and dizzy, and sometimes I just open my eyes really scared like I was just laying there and wasn't even sleeping. Im just glad its not every night.

good times

My weekend went well. My bestfriend finally took a day from her boyfriend to spend with me on Friday. We got nails done and went shopping. It was great to get out of the house on a weekday, go somewhere other than the doctor, and drive with no worries. I also hung out at the park with my boyfriend and we went to poetry night at the coffee shop over the weekend. I almost fell in love when he told me he feels bad sometimes because he cant clap. I have NEVER met a guy that understands how it feels to not be able to clap your hands. I don't know if its the fact that I spend time/talk to him a lot lately, I was deeply depressed for a few weeks and am getting back to being content, or my new medicine regimen is really working but whatever it is, I am so glad I can live my life and feel happiness again and not constant despair frustration and worthlessness