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a little embarrasing


follys

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hi all, I went to a book discussion group tonite. the book was catcher in the rye and this is the second meeting of the group. I usually have a bit to say about the book in question and I particularly liked this book.

so during my second or third comment what I was going to say was gone. this has of course happened before I admitted that it was gone and about 2 seconds later it appeared and I said aha, and continued.

 

then about 1/2 hour later I was involved in a somewhat complex response and lost the thread and rather than admit this I made up something that really was a non sequitur. the moderator didn't understand(naturally, neither did I(lol)). I sat there without responding and after a little it was probably obvious that I had no clue and the group moved on.

 

I thought of my friends on the strokeboard and how they would understand perfectly! thank you my friends. but these people are normal people and they can probably only guess that david is damaged.

 

I am really considering to telling them during (at start or end) the next discussion meeting (in two weeks) that I my brain is in fact stroke and whatever damaged. I would do this for 2 reasons the first being that it will relieve a bit of pressure from me to not have these blackouts which of course I may have. it will also bring out that there exist damaged people who are also still people in spite of their damage.

 

so do tell me what you think. what you would do.

 

kind regards

 

david

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Persevere with the discussion group David.  Do explain that you have had a stroke if that is what you feel you need to do.   I have a rule with public speaking ( I do some preaching) and that is a pause is a good way of letting your brain catch up with your mouth...lol.  Try that next time you have a brain freeze.

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David :

 

don't give up on group & let them know that you had stroke So sometimes you do loose your thoughts. People are usually kinder & nicer than we give them credit for.

 

Asha

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oh that word Damaged! white out time!  What is a normal brain anyhow? no one really knows.

You feel embarrassed that you lost your train of thought and I can totally relate but truly I did it before the stroke all of the time (still do it now) and in fact I have been told that I talk like Ellen or Dorie (she did the Nemo cartoon) and I just trail off like I am giving a pregnant pause but in reality I just don't know where I was going with the thought........but perhaps it was what should happen and perhaps it was the lead up to then that was important......    I wonder how stupid I look but when others do it I wonder did they intend to stop here  and are they so smart and I can't keep up with them... I didn't think they were damaged but who knows.

 

I am continuing grad school.  My brain is older than the others in the cohort so it is suffering all those age things and then I am on medication and it means memory stuff and processing speed and stuff unknown that surely get in my way...and I know some know I have a stroke head and I don't think everyone knows....

Who cares!!! I know I am probably sitting next to young persons with learning disabilities or even some other problems.  And smart people sometimes stammer with things to say as their minds race away.....

 

You are obviously well educated and well spoken and enjoy being in a group with lively discussion. Why give that up?  You don't need to feel that you don't belong there or that you need to explain why you lost a train of thought because truthfully it happens to folks  and you probably had lots to say and just got brain flood.  If you want the group to know more about you and sharing the stroke is part of them understanding you then go for it and tell what you need to share but it is ok too if you want to just keep that to yourself.  Not everyone is a good public speaker so they may chalk it up to that.

 

From what I have read on here David is Not Damaged.  maybe you notice the sharpness has decreased but that isn't damaged in the sense that it is ruined and not good enough.  it just means that you compensate.

You are courageous and out there in the midst of life. Stay there. They need you for what you have to say and for all of who you are and what you bring by just being you there where you are.

 

Resilience is my word for David, not damaged. phooey on that word! white out time.

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thank you sue, asha, and pam.

 

I have given the above some thought.  I really don't think the book discussion group is the place to make them aware of david. so I am not going to say anything - as I shouldn't have done in the first place and all the little difficulties would have been avoided(lol).

sue, I do tend to skip around in my mind when I am saying anything and going a little slower and ignoring where my mind is trying to go may help.

 

and I do agree with you asha about people being generally kind and nice. but the book discussion group is not the place to unburden david's medical history!

 

and pam I do in the main agree with you.  I like to think and tell people the results of my thoughts as this discussion groups affords the opportunity.  and until my thoughts deteriorate I will not be too concerned with my presentation.  some of them may get through.

 

also I was not particularly surprised to hear that you talking couldn't keep up with your mind.  I can barely do it and I am reading them from the page!  as I have said before you have incredible talent and the verbal output is not really appropriate for your multidimensional train of thought.

 

I do disagree with you in that I should white out damaged.  I have no particular problem with the fact that I am damaged and I don't particularly care who knows this.  it is a fact.  but I agree in some sense with you in that rather focusing on "damage" focus on what we have left.  this is in some way thinking on not what have I lost but what can I still do. (little and getting littler(lol)).  but I am very greatful that I can still do something.

 

I continue to be impressed that you are in spite of the severe difficulties that life has presented you with that you are pursuing your graduate studies.  you do have a lot to contribute and the people in your "cohort" are very lucky to have you there! keep going girl!

 

I do thank all of you for sharing my slight struggles.

 

kind regards,

 

david

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Hi David,  I like that you are in a group and you speak.  I go to Sunday School, and I want to speak, but can not get  the words out.  Keep what you are doing David, and you do we

I think we are all hero's.

 

Yvonne

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thank you Yvonne, I wasn't aware that you had that difficulty. after your post I will never feel bad about my little forgetfulness and only be very happy that I am able to speak at all.

I am going to the next meeting and fortunately the book is virgina woolfs to the lighthouse which is far beyond me and so I probably won't have much to say and that's a good thing(lol).

 

david

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At work I started talking and forgot what I was talking about in an instant. This has happened twice. I am a manager so I can joke about management not knowing what they are talking about!

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