I haven't posted a blog because nothing has changed, nothing has stood out in my memory with sparkle. So just plodding along here doing what has to be done. I had a disappointment on Monday when a friend I was expecting for lunch didn't turn up. No explanation, no phone call so hope it wasn't me that had got the date wrong. This is a friend of long standing who is usually trustworthy so maybe the trip she planned didn't happen...without an explanation who knows? I think I do better with that sort of thing than I used to...getting more philosophical in my old age...but was I annoyed at the time? You betcha.

Yes, the days are getting shorter and cooler and on the long weekend for Easter we change our clocks back. Not looking forward to that. We have had some autumn storms, it rained so heavy on Monday night I thought it was going to flood down inside but it didn't. I have three sets of guttering on the back roof so it was just overflowing from one section to the next and sounded like cyclonic rain but next day it was all bright sunshine again. The boys always cleaned the gutters out and now I have no-one to do that so I guess I had better find myself a handyman who can still get up on a roof.

My life seems to be full of dead ends at the moment. I am trying to make a few small changes and every time I attempt one it seems to be on the wrong day at the wrong time. So maybe I had better be at peace with where I am now and stop struggling with this balancing act. I am still busy at church and that is maybe complicating things for me. However once Easter is over maybe life will slow down a bit again. There is a heated hydro pool not too far away so I might drop in there and see how much a session it is as that would be good for winter. I did think of line dancing as a suitable winter exercise but no, that is on my Craft day. I said I was willing to go to Jazz on Sundays with another widow but no, she has something else on Sunday afternoons, looking after a grandchild while the mother takes the other one to dancing classes.

In case life gets boring I am starting to sort through those unfinished projects again. Got a few dozen crocheted squares that are going to make a rug, got a pile of old wool with no plans so have to go through the animal book and find some small patterns for knitted bears. I think those kind of jobs are idea for winter as I can do them any time I am free, no equipment needed just a bag with the pieces I am working on. A friend asked me if I was a workaholic and I said no, I just like to keep busy...lol. Which is a left over from my days as a caregiver as then I was busy, really busy, so now I am just filling in time.

Just talked on chat about what is "real" in our life. I think a lot of it is subjective and about our preconceptions. What is a good day? When I was a caregiver it was a day when nothing much happened, when Ray was not incontinent, not sick, was co-operative and easy to look after,. That definition is so different now, to me a good day is socially diverse, full of activity and at the end of the day I feel satisfaction in having just lived it. And there are more of them now. And it was good to have Pam (SassyBetsy) and Mary (Mary Goldberg) come for a visit to our chat room too. I do enjoy the different perspective having a stroke survivor join us brings.

But I do enjoy a peaceful day too, not a day with nothing to do but a day when I can choose what to do and at the end of the day have simply enjoyed it. That is the new skill I am learning now, to be content to be alone. Although I would like a new someone in my life I still need to learn to be on my own and enjoy my own company. I know this is the next thing for me to work on and I am doing it. But keeping busy helps too.