April 11 made six months since I had my last stroke. I cried so much just thinking about last year. I haven't cried like that since I was in the hospital. I thought I had healed some mentally but nope. The wounds of last year are still fresh. My ex told me I am still recovering. Only decent thing they have said to me. I have been in denial about my own recovery. I thought I was at least ok. I am not ok. I just buried my feelings more. I'm hurt like I was six months ago.

Maybe this wouldn't be so hard if they could tell me why I had the strokes. Or maybe semi admit that Invokana did it. The loop recorder that monitors my heart hasn't revealed anything. I am on a blood thinner and my levels have always been low. I have been thinking about seeing the first doctor from my first hospital visit to see what he might say. But all I want is for this to be over. I want peace. But this is nothing you easily get over. Especially since my left arm tingles all the time. The tingling is my body remembering I have a left arm. I am happy my left side recognition is much better. I was so happy the day I felt that tingle and putting my left arm behind me didn't feel strange.

I do wish I had a stronger support group around me. After two strokes I am still supporting others. I told my friend I am tired of being everyone's rock. I need some more rocks around me.