Dan has done well at the nursing home… but the other shoe had to drop. I was greeted by tears yesterday." I just want to go home, please go home." It was heart wrenching… It is all I can do to just not take him home. I love him, and oh my gosh i care for him. But I held strong and said i can't honey - i can't my brain is broken- It is to much for me to do. he cried we both cried. I left a very upset man to return to work ( i go there for my lunch hour). But as i promised i returned when I got off of work. he said lets go - ( many times this is the outing for the day)-- so we got him ready and we went to our daughters. he played so nice with weston. and we watch a movie together ( odd i can't even remember what it was). And then it was time to go, Dan gave me the sorrowful look that just breaks my heart. He got up and we returned to the nursing home. He was sullen, but understood.
On friday I take off to CO to get my sister.. pretty sure i can drive it in a day. It will be nice to have someone to split duties with. another person helping out with dan eases my load. and for some reason he has always let her help him. She really is family, or Dan would protest.
My depression continues it's "game" with me. ears ringing,intrusive thoughts. Working is really a gift. I think a med adjustment might be called for. I see the script nurse on thursday, will see what her thoughts are.I don't have the "drunk feeling" any more - mostly it is the head underwater feeling… I really am a broken person, but there is the small gift of appreciating the "good" moments. Still I would give every thing I own just to have the old days back…. not a option - and i keep coming back to it - intrusive thought- . So will continue my journey of depression… nancyl