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Broken Dreams


SassyBetsy

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Stroke is a thief. It robbed me of my life,my dreams,my goals,people in my life,my job,my home,my abilities. It threatens my hope,my joy,my life,my future. I do not get to do things I want to, which brings sadness and disappointment. Yes I recovered some things,and lucky I retained some things,I am grateful for life,But the recovery is not saving anything. This isnt a life anyone would settle for. I must work hard and hope more. I no longer cry. The pill numbs

And yet they keep saying in time,more time, so when will i be labeled disabled, when will I get some real assistance. No one checks on my spirit. Thankfully I can escape to a dr appt. But I can never wake from this nightmare in this life. Please let me mourn. I had a good life. I had to give it all away,but I am alive and aware but in a foreign body,foreign perceptions,daily pain. I am tired of waiting for change..I wish to have fun. I advocate more than the person assigned here. I have a broken spirit that wants to heal soar. I need purpose,so I change nail polish,play bingo. I pray again. I am inspired by others,but it hurts that it is not my story too, but then I am ashamed because of the abilities I do have. Who can I vent cry with? It requires so much fight to get through. I dream so much. I am finally getting treatment for some things so I am happy. This is familiar now. I struggle to accept God's will that I live like this,will never celebrate achievements,dreams,but watch while others live my dream. Can I endure,what is before me,dare to hope. Of course. It is what we do. Play those blues,sing my heart out. Acceptance and peace I seek.

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Pam :

 

I can so identify with what you are saying, but just hold on when you feel like you re drowning in self pity. believe me best is yet to come & god has something better store in for you. you survived for a reason & not as a punishment. & I promise you will see it too when you come out of this dark tunnel of why me. just remember to stay in present & take jut one day at a time. don't look far in future it will create anxiety don't look behind it will create depression, just stay in present. hope & pray for better days to come soon.

 

Asha

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hi pam,

acceptance and peace, or the rage within us best said in my favorite poem,"do not go gentle into that good nite".

 

two distinct ways of trying to cope with the more difficult problems that life gives us. I am in the second mode.  it seems to embody a type of acceptance with an absolute fury.

 

you are very good for me pam in that you are telling me what life on the other side of pain is and so  when I get there it will be with the inspiration that you have given to me.

 

david

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Hey sassy, your words cut to the soul. We all mourn our losses and hang on to hope. Some days I feel trapped in the forge in body and mind, yet we must push on. Dreams are shattered replaced by what? I lost that life and many things, you asked who you can cry with, mourn your losses, we are here for you, I'm sending you a cosmic hug, feel my arms around you assuring you life does matter we just need to redefine ourselves and find a new purpose

I feel the pain of your loss.

I hope you find hope and a purpose. We all long for that.

Be strong, I know you are you've made it this far.

Peace, love, joy to you, you are in my prayers,

Jay

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Thank you for being there,sharing this soul pain with me,reminding me I am not alone. Making sure I am heard and not alone. Yes we all are suffering,trying to find our way,fighting our way through. Sometimes I do not know how to do this,but you remind me...those who have,those who are doing.

I have failed to keep my life as it was. It hits me now that it is real.gone. oh the plans of mice and men. I need to find my way through this anguish and that is by continuing to seek ways to improve.

All of you have been through this time crossing the desert,I know.

 

Thanks Jay,I appreciate your honesty and hugs. And prayers. You are in my prayers too as are all on here.

 

David,your encouragement renews and reminds me who I am. Yes,fury is a light in the window. Who is gently going anywhere? Thanks for saying that is ok. I constantly tantrum you know.

 

Asha,your gift to me is the saying the best is yet to come. I keep saying it as I have experienced horrible things, and I know every thing is a transition even though I admit I thought the good times would roll longer.

 

It is exhausting sometimes to be positive and not authentic either. This is where hope and anguish coexist.

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