AsI walked through the beautiful high ceiling foyer of the hospital along with other people,I contemplated how I am changed,different,experiencing the world through dizziness,vertigo,visual things like reacting to patterns everywhere,responding to movements like people passing by seem so fast and close,and the constant ever changing Pain which dominates everything in my life now. I went for a blood draw and pondered over the fact that people never suspect how I am experiencing them,the room,the events. I am amazed I walk and get things done. I am around people who are how I used to be. I doubt I will ever return to being like that.Normal. I live in the murky of pain killers. Since no one can imagine the magnitude of my pain, that anyone could function with what I describe, I am isolated and misjudged. No,I do not like taking opiates around the clock,and No they do not help me be pain free. Only lessens the agony to the manageable. My PT says I have improved. She says the dizziness must be better. I say I walk faster now because I am on different meds, alot of meds,my pain is more manageable. She tests my vestibular system and the balance,dizziness,vertigo appear with challenging activities that tax my vestibular system. I feel that I am constantly tested and questioned and they want me to agree there has been great improvements in all symptoms. I agree I can compensate but do not mistake that for progress. Why am I pushed to agree a few weeks of therapy has changed my life. I am told to continue things at home. I do not have the equipment. Then they say it takes a long time...Ok.

I gave questionnaires to doctors for my disability hearing coming up. I hope they can describe my existence properly.

The department of health came to talk to me. The facility had to file a report because I felt mistreated,but the report made them look favorably. The representative listened to my side of the story. The result is there is no proof. I said well within the stories there are details that are more reasonable,make more sense to how we got here. I was not impressed with it at all. There was a focus on was I asked or told to move. She said well you are a nice person and you would have moved if you were asked. So I replied, should I have moved then? I felt defensive. I poked holes in their report. I said well people here do not speak up,or cannot speak,or think,or recall. So the rep said she would recommend trainings. She asked about my isolating in my room. I said the head nurse asked if I liked a nice seat by a window. I said this is not my choice. That is the men's table and now they have it and I stay away. I said the encounter upset me and I must not have stress, I am stroke survivor. They all seem to think I should not have made a fuss.

I spoke to another cna who said she would be upset and done same. I told her their remedy was to encourage me to go to another facility. I brought up that this is not an appropriate placement. And I am having difficulty because I am not senior citizen.

Woe to the ones who speak up. Remember Oliver. In the meantime, the presence of the dept of health perhaps will be a good thing. The rep told me that my cna put a torn blanket on my bed and she told her that should be thrown away and the cna put a new blanket on my bed.

I Do feel better that I reported it. I feel validated too since others I respect say they would do the same. One cna told me that sometimes nice is seen as weakness. I like nice. But yes there are those that will take advantage. One statement director did make to me is that no one thought I would respond the way I did. Which time. At least I can look in mirror. I am not invisible and I have self respect.

Oh,there was no private place to talk. We talked in my room. Thin walls,and roommates. She wanted to go outside, but I would have walked past the big group of residents and staff gathered for guitarist visitor that does a singalong. No privacy at all.

I was useful today. A nurse had an ink pen stain on her pretty scrubbs top. I suggested she try a wipee on the old stain. To her surprise when she scrubbed at the stain and looked at the wipee, there was blue ink on the wippee. It was lifting the stain. She was wide eyed. She said she would go work at it. I explained I discovered that wipees are great at getting stains out of clothes. I carry them to clean up stains all the time. It works on everything.

Maybe that tip will help someone here.

Maybe sharing my story will help someone feel empowered. We have a right to react and be true to yourself.

Today I hoped to remove stains.