On March 7, I am scheduled for hopefully out patient surgery. I say hopefully because my doctor told me I am high risk and they might keep me overnight to monitor me. The surgery is nothing major but something I need to take care of. However, I might have to postpone it. First, I have to find a Hematologist to help clear me for this surgery. I actually need three other doctors to clear me for this procedure. Finding a Hematologist that will clear me in three weeks is a tall order. I need this doctor because the warfarin is making me bleed somewhere and it's making me anemic. I thought my anemia was from lack of iron but the Hematologist will help me out.

My second reason to postpone is that I need someone to take care of me. As many people as I help, I am running a short list of who can help me. My best friend lives in CA. My other best friend cannot drive. I am trying to be supportive of her now that her mom has had surgery but now she is a facility recuperating. I have other friends but once they had their child we haven't seen each other lately. My parents live in SC. They haven't come up to see me in ten years. They used to come visit over mothers day weekend. But now I always go home. It's a complicated and painful as to why my parents will not come up. My mother has this mental block now on traveling here. She used to say she would come up and see me when my dad wasn't as quick to come visit me. Then he got cancer so he couldn't travel. Ok. Then it was who will watch our home because they finally built their dream home? They have a security system and a policeman who lives next door. Also my aunt and uncle are two doors down. My dad has been fine for almost ten years, but my mom hasn't said anything. Now it's my dad who says he will leave her to see me. I think he is upset they didn't see me when I was in the hospital. I blame myself for that because I didn't tell them about my first stroke until I was in the hospital for the second one.

So who will take care of me? Who will be with me at the hospital, then take me home and watch me for two days? I normally don't have anxiety or panic attacks, but this simple surgery is about to cause one. Believe it or not my stroke hospital time was much easier. When me and my ex were at least good friends they took me to the er and brought me home. Second hospital stay I drove myself. Yes I know I shouldn't have but I did. I had no one else and I could not bring myself to dial 911. My ex took me home again but I flew to SC the next day because my parents were not driving up. Just thinking about this is making me sad. It makes me feel rather lonely. I know something will work out, but for now it's not looking to good.