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Feeling lost and scared



I told my roomate. She worried I would tell the nurse here. She is on 2 percoset. She has seen me in crisis. I hope the doc here will not let me suffer. This pain Is real. I am going to PT now. I want to walk again without pain. Without Dizziness. Wishing doesnt make it so.Believing helps me work. But Pain Relief makes working possible.


Now 8 am alone. Worse. My doc is unsupportive and will influence other docs here. I question am I wrong. Am I hooked on these pills. Am I the same ?


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The doctors can know on an intellectual level what we go through but even they cannot comprehend the concept of pain that never stops. All day everyday and night. Relief is sleeping a few hours. Until they have it happen to them or they become a caregiver this remains an abstract concept. Ask them if they ever burned themselves, then ask them to imagine that sensation lasting for the rest of their life.


But, we also have strength that even when it ebbs is powerful. We didn't get a vote about how we continue on so we just do the best we can, our strength is what comes to define us. We have been through the crucible and come out the other side different. You are not alone, we are all here to help however we can. I'd offer a hug to help if I could. ()


There are still always options. One that was mentioned to me was ketamine which can reset the pain processing, worth asking the doc but it is a very specialized process. I've got a call in to my neuro since yesterday about the pain the spasticity causes. Like a 24x7 charlie horse on my right side. I'll call and annoy him again shortly. The nerve pain is manageable today, sometimes that's as good as it gets.


Hopefully that makes sense but I'm in a haze today so please forgive me if it doesn't.

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Pam, when you feel those Sears take a deep breath and tell yourself you're a good person you're a fighter and you will fight to get as much back as possible hang tough my friend I'm praying for you.


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