I've been thinking about writing about this, and it has recently come up again. So, I almost thought not to write, as it might be redundant... but no, I need to blog it for my own record.

When Bob first stroked, I called my girlfriend, since 2nd grade. I told her what had happened, relaying my horror and loss of what our lives would have been. She matter of factly said, "eh, people don't realize being handicapped is not about living with loss, it's just living differently". If anyone else had said that, I'd have decked them... but since she had handicapped parents, I listened.

So... as you shakily crawl out of the abyss, looking for a shred of hope to hang on to, you begin to hear the buzz words.... new normal. So what is normal? Is it being perfect? Or is it a word that means what we are used to? I think it is the 2nd one. We are used to doing it this way, and that way, and now we can't do it like that. Are we abnormal, then? I don't think so, I think we are learners, seeking what we once sought, to establish how we do this, -just like we established it before, in the beginning of our lives.... our learning lives.

I used to think it meant, 'my new normal is taking Bob to therapy everyday and doing everything myself'. That wasn't it....not the new normal... it was just the path way to it. As most caregivers know who have profoundly handicapped strokers, you spend the first year on pins and needles, watching their critical state of health. Then it gets a weeeee bit easier for the next few years. And then one day, your husband tells you he knows things are better, because he heard you singing in the kitchen again. You begin to realize that it is better, and you don't HAVE to spend every minute now, doing all those millions of things like when it was all critical, but can now slow down and spend some time on yourself. While you always need to be on the look out for how to do things better in the maneuvering and transporting of your stroker, you've gotten a lot of that figured out now. You do certain home therapies, just like any one else exercises at home, to stay 'in shape'. One day I looked at Bob and I realized I didn't see the wheelchair, I just see Bob. I told him, I don't feel like we are a handicapped/caregiver couple anymore..... I just feel like we are 2 retired people sitting around and taking it easy. We stay up all night, laughing at our favorite shows, sleep late, take naps whenever we want.... then it just hit me about a week ago... this is IT! THIS is our new normal! This is the way we live without thinking about it and worrying about it! It is no longer 'how will we do this', but 'this is how we do this'! We have lived this life for enough time that we have established our normal.... no longer our new normal... just normal now.

Don't fear the words "new normal" - it's code for :"second chance"!!!