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The Cost



One day I happily shopped for Newborn layette stuff for my first grandchild. My daughter chose little clothing items with a little dog on them and a matching stuffed doggie music box that played How much is that doggie in the window. Tiny doggie booties. Small blankets and beanies to swaddle our tiny baby boy. I fell asleep that night thinking about my daughter's birth and first little days so filled with joy that any problems drifted So far away we seemed untouchable from the outside circle.


Then another darker time oozed in full of jealousy, bitterness,fear. Talk turned into chaos. I floated in space untethered into darkness. Why were my clear words turning into tangles. The past spoken not my past. Must be a dream again about Alice in that ridiculous book. Not my book. I cannot read through tears. All I know for sure is that I am trapped in a coloring book. I will never see the little tiny things filled with new life, new hope. The day turned sour burning. Leaving and endings I am blindsided with. If there is any reasoning I will not see? How did we drive down the street from the beauty shop to the Baby Store to look at diaper bags and wander into Secrets? Where is that window with the doggie?


So now I am alone. Entombed in chambers with bingo. How did my family disappear? If I walk far enough will they come for me? I fell into sleep and awakened in the wrong reality. I keep sleeping to find them. But I wake and they are gone.grown.And I am in a place where talk is unnecessary. And Peace surrounds like air I am in and within me. The cost of love.


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I am not sure what is going on here pam.  but I get a feeling that I cannot describe with my words.  I see you coming out in the last paragraph and ending with "and peace surrounds the air I am in and within me."  reminds me of my favorite quote, "all is well and all is well and all manner of thing will be well".  do we really desire anything other than peace.  the answer is probably yes to our detriment.



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This is an interesting piece!  I read it many times because it seems as if you are entangled in a tug of war in your mind.  I feel struggle and torment in your words.  I hear a cry of pain.  It seems then to me like a prayer that came from a nightmare only to awake to something left unanswered.  This is all my interpretation of course.  I do agree with David...Peace is a desirable place to be.  I hope that this poetic writing is one that created a cleansing and you do feel that peace.  Thank you for sharing.  It made me think...Penny

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