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Jealousy Is A Disease


SassyBetsy

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My mother always said jealousy is a disease. I always thought it an odd saying.

 

I moved into a lovely room with my friend from bingo In January. We were close through quarantine for a month when Norovirus hit. We stayed well too. But over time a more hideous disease struck. Roomie was jealous over every thing. Every person. When I started doing art with others because she was not interested, she was jealous. She demanded supplies she never used from activity director. Director stopped buying because she produced Nada. She tantrumed too. She wanted attention and interrupted when I got treatments for nails or from cna. She wanted what I had. I shared but there is a limit. When I did not buy it or lend it, she told everyone I had it so a cna would ask me. Like I had to be nice? My activity director understood from her experience with us and she told me to keep boundaries. But I felt I had to keep her happy or she would not want me as roommate. And this proved true. I spent time out of my room and in a friends. I played cards with men. I quit typing up her dead sisters poems. I invited others to bingo. Some cnas were more attentive to me. Basically I was not controlled or isolated with just her. So she went crazy with passive aggressiveness. That list is long. I ignored it but sometimes did it back. When I spoke up she cursed loudly.people came running.

This last time she demanded they get me out of her room. I said let her leave if she is unhappy because now this is my room too. Oh one detail is that I arranged the room to carve out a spot for myself next to my bed instead of by her bed. So I had to do stuff for her. I can say put on your light To call a cnc to help you now. I am free. I had independence. I decorated the room. My collages I made. Brought in stuff. I am not a visitor. I have a space.

 

But the councelor came in and said she had been in the room longer so I will be moved. No mediation attempt. No getting facts how she uses the room to manipulate. Director came in and agreed with councelor. I will be moved as soon as a bed opens.I was called out of room down hall walking in pain to their conference room.

 

Then the worst happened. I was overcome and cried. Oh this stroke!But I needed to talk and I saw disdain not compasion. I said my piece to the executive director. Then she went to talk to looneyroomey. I saw that admin was not mediating and wanted me to go to asisted living. Well I have not found a fit. When I went back to my room they told me I would be put in a new room as soon as one became available.

 

Once again I face no security no stability.

I immediately called the ombudsman. She arrived the next day. In private she gave me the laws. usually unhappy roommate is moved By her consent. Patients are moved only with consent.unless some reasons. Ombudsman spoke to the counselor. I can go to a hearing to appeal a move.

good to know.

 

So then it was weekend. I stayed in the room with roomie and did not visit my friend. Roomie is nice polite.I am same. So there will not be a problem utill she taunts or trigggers me by the things she does. But I have tried to avoid trouble. I stayed up to 3am every time she went to dialysis so I will not have her gettin redy to go wake me. She said get up t 3am instead. When I did, she never went to bed and made noise eating,shuffling through bags,chomping ice.

So she sleeps for hours there and sleeps when she returns. My nurse sees me exhausted and says change rooms.

 

So maybe roomie has a good way to get a private room. Why can not she get dialysis later or night.

 

So now she is driving me out. I ignore the bad. I coddle and coo. I used my space and time awake to create another collage poster.I bugged her to call dentist insisting. She finally did and now has an appointment. She thanked me. She told the counselor that in the morning I would be sweet as pie. She calls it when I complain call her out that I have mood swings. Well I label her a pathological liar even though some are ego defense mechanisms. I am tired of being played and she is tired of being caught.

 

Well I made sure neighbor friend got her hair cut and manicure. She has memory thing so she forgets it is free here. So when they ask if she wants it she says no. So I butt in and blurt that it is free knowing she would ask them and then go. She is thrilled. But soon forgets it was free.

 

Anyway so far no one bothers me but I wish I could forget there is never a guarantee except that there will be change. It is especially painful when a friend changes or that when a feeling That what I believe to be true is reliable in fact changes. Imagine at my age I am surprised caught off guard feeling betrayed again.

 

Ok so the weird thing is that I had been discussing the issue of roomie with the activities director. She said she really understood and that we should be discreet so not upset her. She never uses the felt pen set I gave her but says she will soon. But she never has or does or will. In fact if she was she would discover some are so weak that I nearly disposed of them. Anyway I totally confided in activities director All the Roomy story and she was opposite of counselor.

 

In fact the reason I was out of our room that morning was to meet with activities director as planned and not next Door with friend as Roomy thought. Activities Director had asked me to request anything for our independent activities. So I showed her some online stuff. Then she said order more and the best quality. My friend loved her coloring book given to her. So I suggested getting her another by that author. There are 3 by that author so she ordered the other 2. Then she ordered me 2 I chose. She said she got more for us because we used them. I completed one and friend almost did. She said Roomy was not invested since she had done only done 1 page as she showed me wanting praise of course.

So that morning It felt like Christmas. Plus I was appreciated for starting independent activities and the activities director wants a picture of my friend and I and another woman who orders her own stuff. She did not include Roomie.

I will be discreet. I still ask Roomie to do stuff. Later endures.

I order for friend who is amazed cell phones exist and forgets 2 minutes later. But her long term memory is fine and at 86 she is full of stories and spirit.

 

Some days I wish to go away from this chaos but I have not seen something comparable out. there yet that I can go here. AND I was told I can stay before.

 

So now I am in the room things are fine. I ignore remarks about my in house stalker who stares in my door or gets next to me and says mean stuff. I report him but they pay no attention. When I stand up to him hr backs off but comes back.When I ignore all he just escalates. But for now I hope forever ignoring will extinguish this behavior but I now sit in room by my bed so he does not see me in the room.

 

Well to tell the truth this is my home. I want to work out problems.

 

I long for independent living. Privacy. Alone time. But on the other hand I appreciate the cna who brings me tea and helps me get to restroom when I am dizzy. And the nurse who checks I got into bed and I am not dangling over a chair.And having companionship and some to love.

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You know I am so glad I am at home not a nursing home of any kind, I just couldn't handle it.... I'm to old now!!!! Of course I couldn't use independent living either with one hand and one side not working.....

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Pam, I think all of this is about lack of privacy. it is a problem in nursing homes and however nice your roommate seems at the beginning there will always be squabbles.  I think at this stage you just wait and see what happens, go on with your activities, take any chance to get some alone time and just quietly enjoy being the person you are.  There are times in all our lives when we go through this and somehow come out stronger people.  I don't know how it works it just does. 

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