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Locked Out



I am locked out of my brand new cell phone. I used my fingerprint to unlock it but it says Not A Match. So I called to fix it. I needed to open old accounts I cannot recall because it was all automatic remembered by computer. So it took some doing to prove it was me simply because the fingerprint thing said it was not me. So the security is great. But when I need to prove it is me now then it is hard. Besides those passwords were created by another version of me in my old life. my real life.

The life lived in clothes with nice purses and a car to drive all over. That isn't me now.I have some new updated tekkies and I want to just live my new version created by new forces.


I mentioned to my roommate that my blood sugar had dropped low again while I was sleeping. I said I was grateful my sweet nurse awakened me on schedule to eat so thank God she saved my life really. Gloomy Roomy said Are You sure it is a good thing. I said What just to check what I had heard. She repeated it so I heard this. I immediately said Oh Yes especially today on the 4th I am going out with Son to see fireworks. And I have fought hard to be able to walk out the door in athletic shoes and to ride in the front seat of a car and to walk into this nice restaurant with my purse on me. Each of those things were not possible at one time in the last 2 years. Revocery is slow and hard but things that make you proud and better always are. I want some certificate with a gold seal to hang up. But I settle to showing off going out in the community. My accomplishments are invisible mostly. In fact if you look at me the deficits still shine but they do not outshine my grin of satisfaction as I do things that were impossible before. I imagine some applause from the stands as I walk in and follow my son to a nice seat and order for myself a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. In reality just the chance to eat real food good food edible food is reason to do a hip hop victory dance. But my son and I grin at each other remembering my goal of being able to walk in the place wearing my purse. specific goals that I can actually celebrate in real ways mean more to me than just saying something like I will improve my balance and vestibular system deficits. All I wanna do is walk. And talk like normal and not in slow motion. But to the world as I held onto my son's arm no one noticed my grip that helped balance. My therapist still does not recommend a cane for this wobbly vaudvill act.


Then we saw fireworks go off the beach. I thanked the dark sky for the bright colors. May I always manage to do that. Being alive means joy in the midst of sorrows. Sorrows for myslef and for others. Joy gifted intermittently and a darn great reinforcement to be happy to greet the dawn with the anticipation for unveiled joys. I always seem to get a bundle that include other sorrows. But I saw my son glad to see me and I knew I survive for him. My sorrow is for my other child so harmed by stroke cruelty. Like a tornado with every problem a spinning debris threatening. But I survive for Hope's promise. What is that? It is the promise that hope will be my comfort and motivation nevertheless the outcome.


Thank you roomy for making me answer that sarcastic remark in my head.

So now Imust get back to resolving my tech problem about the phone.


so horrible to be without the phone. funny. my world never knew this before. SNow a day without a phone feels awful. I need to google information and talk.


But I still contemplating what locked out means. when my finger print is not seen as mine when it is. Oh a glitch. But a bigger meaning that my numb hand is working but not me anymore.


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Hi Pam, That sounds like a magic evening.  And yes goals need to be specific and concrete.  There's nothing like that feeling of "I did it" even if the rest of the world doesn't get it, although having someone to share that glee with helps too.  I'll never forget the look on Bron's face when I limped across her living room for the first time after my stroke, with her sitting in her wheelchair knowing that this was something she'd never do again.  ( She got it as no one else I showed off to in that week did.)


I hope you sorted out the phone issue, tech is supposed to make our lives easier not harder, but sometimes I wonder.


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Yes, you did it, you walked in on a gentleman's arm looking like a lady who deserved to be there,  And you DID it! I will do a happy dance for you.  Yes, sometimes the good things seem to be overwhelmed by the bad things but it is not so, the good and happy and contented days often have the beautiful muted colours of flowers while the bad ones appear like fireworks.  But the good days are here to stay and so will continue to come. 

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Yes Sue! And I am amazed everytime as if it was the first time. I never thought the day would come alone and so it is amazing. Iam encouraged. I long for more,

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This is a wonderful blog so full of happy I just have to smile wide and am so proud of you  Yes I'm doing the happy dance for you.

Your roomy tried to put a pin in your balloon but you would not let her good for you another pat on the back for you

Going to the out with your purse and watching the fireworks another pat for you

You are doing so well keep it up and keep blogging so that we can share in your joys and happy dance with you

Take care and keep up the good work


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