I think about myself today and see me just a different me. I see the people around me different. I see the world and what I am in it as different. Different than before. I forget sometimes just how blessed I am to be breathing and having this day to write my thoughts. I went to family event Saturday, my Great Aunt Elaine's 90th Birthday. I didn't know a lot of people there. I do know my Aunt Sherry and she came but just for a little bit I din't really get to hug her or talk to her. I watched from afar as my older cousin hugged her and wouldn't let go. I could tell thta both theses grown women are sobbing. I know why but it triggers such terrible emotion in me that I froze and just watched. My Uncle Darrel (Aunt Sherry's husband) has been battling cancer. It first struck his lung and threw a clot while they were on vacation in Florida. It became DVT and his leg swelled horribly. He was at the hospital in Florida for longer than their vacation was supposed to be. Once they came home ad settled in it threw another clot this time affecting his lungs. It was shortly after that we found out he had cancer. We watched and prayed and hoped that the chemo he was receiving would get him into remission and it did!!!! For several months Darrel was in remission and my Aunt and our family were so grateful and relieved. At his one year check up they found 2 more lesions. This time it was in his brain (one of them was on his brain stem). So he started a rigorous treatment with radiation to try and shrink the tumors before going on to chemotherapy again to hopefully rid him of this evil monster again. My uncle was a trooper...he shaved his head before all the hair fell out and was putting up an admirable fight. He has been on steroids to help his energy levels because the treatments are so robbing for him. This drug though gave him energy to enjoy some things has blown his body up like a balloon. I've know for a while that he looks bad. You can just see it. I talked with my mom this morning and they got bad news, the radiation had done nothing. There was no other treatment to use. No surgery, no chemo, no magic pill. He has 6 months they say. I know I must make the effort to go and see him soon. I know my emotions and sadness are going to be thick that day. I know I won't be able to keep it inside. I'm afraid...