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In the morning I will get 2nd Radiofrequency Ablation. I am exhausted since my poor roomie with dementia loves to be craziest at night. I have a lovely patio room I decorated with my art and collages so I choose not to switch rooms as this SNF offers as a solution regardless of the fact she verbally torments me. In fact when I holla back to stfu then I abuse her because I can walk. So on that day the director informed me all that I fearlessly threw her out and refused to sign a paper that informed me about abuse I promised not to do. I retorted that I could check off some so only communicate through the ombudsman. So since I responded to roomie she backs off when she goes jekyl n hide on me. But tonight she practices screaming and talks talks talks as usual. yes my beloved earbuds help me ignore hearing things that bring me to tears. I remind myself she can be sweet such a sweet smile her doctors say. then like a movie she attacks as soon as no one is around. so I only look like I bully a frail old woman. I fearlessly stay here refusing to leave my premium room they love to turn over. I see that there is absolutely no help and my recordings of her threats to kill me and other fun listening will never be heard.


Perhaps my change from broken to fearless stopped the bullying so now she toys with staff.


The pain is worse with the stress. I cry out at night. Roomie mimics so it is a circus.


I feel evil for thinking I will outlive her but worry that with stress I may not.


I did not like how director who wants me out if you recall my blogs about moving into this room...she turned this about me as problem insead of loonyroomy who attacked the ombudsman too so she saw it.


Ok so a staff said to me when I spilled tea:*beep* what is wrong with you.


I screamed for help but other staff said they did not hear it.


Then the mad staff said all she said is what is wrong with you...that she never said *beep*......and with that statement proving her complete ignorance. and that I see her still here shows me the universe is a mystery without knowing.


I fearlessly called state licence complaints. But it is exhausting. I want to sleep.


My CPS is worse. I need this R F A. I may be running low on fearless. I dread the additional pain to perhaps reduce my pain. I dread going to shower at 6am under special order so I will be sanitary. There will not be heat on probably that early.


I am not fearless that this procedure will help.


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Pam, you are going through a bad patch right now, trying to be fearless is hard on you when you just want to be peaceful and relaxed and enjoy the room.  So just pace yourself, choose the battles you know you can win, use the earbuds to block out as much as you can.  Find a happy place and go there to meditate when you can, you need to meditate to restore your well being.  I can't imagine what you are going through so that is all the advice I can give you,  (((hugs)))

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You are fearless. I can not say what I do, easy to talk, when you are not in that situation.  Sue is right, wear your earbuds, and try to go too your happy place.  All I can say , you are in my Prayers, and  this too shall pass. 



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I can't imagine what you are going through pam and yet I can! the emotional interpersonal stuff coupled with the pain.  not good pam.  I think that when and if I get into that situation and I may I will then try the approach of sue and Yvonne.  is there anything else?


I wish you well on your radiation oblation. best wishes my friend.



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Okay Stop and ask yourself "Is this working or not working?". Sounds like it is not working therefore time to change strategy. What can you do differently?  Are you using earbuds just to block out roomie or are you listening to music?  During the day do you stay in room or do you take a walk and change scenes? Do you journal? What frustrates you the most? Tackle one problem at a time. What soothes you? Do you read? Do you reach out to others and see what you can do to help comfort them?  How much are you socializing?  I am concerned about your stress levels.  What is your reward system? What do you do to be nice to yourself? These are just a few questions to sit back and ponder over in a quiet place over a hot cup of tea.  If you are in need of a good book I am recommending my new favorite:  A MAN NAMED OVE. Fiction  Will make you laugh. Much love to you.  MERRY CHRISTMAS.

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