• entries
    107
  • comments
    613
  • views
    29,666

From the Frying Pan to the Stove


HostTracy

922 views

It's been a while since I've written a blog and been really active on the site. First of all I miss those of you I know here but I have been sort of recovering and regrouping after leaving Adrian and moving back into my Dad's house. There has been a lot of positive...my anxiety has been less, I have my own transportation, I am still waiting for the second round of disability decisions, I am close to family, my daughter is doing wonderful and is so good to me sending me $50 every other week to help me, I've been making my own choices, I even have my sleep so much better now getting to bed between 8:30 and 10. So many good things. Something has happened though 4 different times which I need to get off my chest. My Dad and I get along most of the time but he is a huge trigger at times and can evoke a pretty big anxiety attack in me at times. Once because he told me not to put my hair up in a pony tail anymore that my step mom had cut my hair and "the pony tail looked like *beep*". It was an immediate trigger and I couldn't stop the attack. I finally got to my room took my anxiety medication and finally fell asleep. A second time was him telling me "If that guy called right now I bet you would go back to him because you are stupid.". He wouldn't stop even when I begged him. I ended up half blindly driving to where my step mom is staying at my Grandmother's so I could calm down. Both of the other 2 times have been about my weight. I have gained 50 pounds since my stroke. I joined a gym a week ago so I can be healthier which hopefully will help my weight as well. He has called me fat, told me I don't care about how I look, told me he wouldn't leave me alone, to go ahead and cry until I can't cry anymore because he doesn't care, more times that I am stupid. I can't stay at the house when he gets like that because he won't stop and the anxiety attack just gets worse and worse. Each time I have gone to my Grandmother's...each time right in the middle of a pretty severe anxiety attack. It's wearing on me. I find myself just silent and to myself more and more. My Psychiatrist is concerned...he made the statement "You fell from the frying pan onto the stove.". He shows more compassion and care than any Doctor I have ever had and we talk about what my future plans are and he encourages me. I just needed to get this off my chest. My hope is that in the future I will live by myself and make all my choices and be free of the hot spots. It won't be perfect but I think I would feel so much better.

4 Comments


Recommended Comments

my god tracy!  you are probably about the age of my daughter and I can't imagine talking to nancy like that.  not even close.  and I am truly at a loss of ideas and am angry at this disrespect.

except for one thought and that is your father has a problem and you should try not to make his problem yours.  your councilor can probably give you some coping mechanisms to deal with situations that you know will come.  perhaps you could practice those.

you truly deserve better tracy. and you must believe and hope that you will find that better place.

good luck!!!

 

david

 

Link to comment

Tracy, I'm glad that you wrote that...it's important to not keep these feelings inside.  David is so right...it's your father's problem, not yours.  It appears that he has some unhappiness in his life, and wants to project it onto you.

 

I feel I've gotten to know you over the last couple of years....I think you're amazing, intelligent and a great problem-solver.  You don't rush your decisions; you analyze your situations well before making significant decisions.  

 

You have the sense, the values and the strength to get back to not letting others' opinions affect you.  If someone says nasty, untrue things about you, just shrug it off.  If they see that their comments don't rattle you....they'll stop.

 

You're going to get where you want to in your life!  :hug:  Lin  

Link to comment

What would happen if you stood up to the bullys and never ran away again?  Would it be worse than anxiety? Are they on control?

I would wear the ponytail every day for a month. Criticize him his cooking your childhood.....kick back is my style....now....i ran plenty still lost until i lost myself.

 

Be happy go to fun. we are not for long.

 

you are new. beautiful.

Link to comment

Traci have you ever taken kick box class?? so fun. takes balance so I cannot now. but it is great for stress and practicing makes you look like no one to bother lol!

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.