Pam :

good to see your positive blog, happy new year to you. don't worry about tests you can not control about. worry is down payment on debt you might never even owe. so just go with flow & stay in present moment & count all the blessings of life. when you live in act of gratitude that's what you attract more.

Asha

Pam, I am always glad to see a blog from you because it means you are thinking and thinking outside the place in which you live.  It would be easy to see life as a journey to the grave and not see the real meaning of life which  for me is to connect with others.  I am just going for more tests myself which if scary as the Big "C" dominates my thinking again. So hugs and prayers are coming your way dear friend.

Yes Asha worry is my form of planning and scheming my way around things as if I can get out of MRIs!

Yes Sue you nailed it!!

And I too wait to hear about Big C which runs heavy in my ancestors.

Holidays here meant advocating for others, visiting patient friends confined in rooms. 

My afternoon CNAs bought me a Santa gift. A red turtleneck shirt with white glitter reindeer, merry christmas words and design. I love it. 

I do have days I feel Im on that highway to hell...painful days.

But I agree life is about connections. I am never alone here. I have good friends here. But ya know me, I fight when I am mistreated or I see mistreatment. I am told speak up and believe me someday I will see fruit.

" I am self absorbed now sometimes but I appreciate my best friend and my Son who love me back to life. I live on the border of life now so I am in a different place.  I am useless but try and love those around me now here in this institution of suffering and healing. I am grateful to see 2018 but it is a foreign place I was not prepared to land in. I will do my best to do all I am required with help of grace. "

I can't explain it but these statements struck me with sage..  You are unyielding