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Update on Life




Things are finally calming down after my brother's death. Still no full answers yet from autopsy but hopefully not too long now. Tomorrow his daughter gives birth to his 3rd grandchild (a boy). It may freshen some raw feelings but all in all it will be a really wonderful day. My dad is actually doing really great during his radiation and chemotherapy...no sickness or really bad side effects. He is just over half way through. I'm so glad he's doing well.


Me...I am finally calming a bit from when I wrote last time. I have seen all my Dr.s in the past month...Neurologist, Psychiatrist, and PCP. The lump on my neck is not seen on the ultrasound so my Dr. says that is good and not to worry. My Neurologist says I am doing well...She acknowledged the Cerebellar Cognitive Affective Syndrome and that Neurology would not treat it because there is not really a cure but my Psychiatrist and Psychologist would treat my side effects. My Psychiatrist had the privilege of seeing my anxiety attack for the first time in his office. Caused by a stroke of lightening and a very loud clap of thunder at the same time. It happened in a matter of seconds and he just was quiet and let me calm down before asking if I experienced this often. YES ALL THE TIME. He left the room and came back giving me a bottle of Nuedexta. He said when this works it works really well let me know in 2 weeks if you can tolerate it and if so then you will start taking these 2x a day. It will not help certain issues you are having but if it helps and is the right path then it will make a significant impact. The rest we will work on...but 1st this. It was a trial bottle of 13 pills. I am pretty sure I could feel a difference but then realized it is over 1000 per month. Crazy...undoable. So I contacted the manufacturer after about 7-8 days and found out they do have a patient assistance program. I am pretty sure I will receive the medication free. I have since finished my trial bottle and the Dr. office informed me that I had gotten the last sample but they are working on getting more. So for now I am not taking them. Still pretty bad emotional lability but calmer now...no more hallucinations, no panic attack in a few days. Just trying to stay calm.


Tonight my ex Narcissist boyfriend sent me a text message asking how I am. This is a common pattern for him. Not sure what he wants this time. I keep emotional distance...and just look and think forward.



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Tracy, just know I have been thinking of you and hoping things have improved. The meds sound good if they work and you can get them at a price you can afford it, better still free. I'm glad your Dad is tolerating the treatment. There will be ups and downs grieving for your brother, which will be different for every family member, just take life a day at a time, it is all any of us can do.

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Thank you Sue...meaningful words. I hope you are doin better as well. I know I say enough about my issues to irritate anyone including me lol but I feel so much encouragement from you guys even though. I'll keep you posted how the meds are doing once I'm back on them for a bit at the therapeutic dose. I'm pretty excited!

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Tracy :


I am glad your dad is doing well & you found some medication which might help in your emotional liability & anxiety issues. Try meditation & cognitive therapy which might also help.




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None about my brother yet. Still saying it will take a full 6 months for autopsy results. We did, however, get resolution to the ex girlfriend crazy issue in court yesterday. I think we are all hopeful that he passed of natural causes...we can't imagine the possible other explanation. 

My dad has now completed his treatment and he still has another 4 weeks before a new scan to know if it was successful. He is doing well though at the moment. 

Me, well I still have not gotten the new medicine, Nuedexta. I have been approved and was told the medication would be sent and free but there is some sort of delay!? Not sure when things will happen. I have my Disability hearing on October 25. I have just been trying to think of good thoughts and spending a lot of time to myself in my room. Things have been very tense around here at my dad's house and I seem to be a target per se. I am praying to just be able to hold on until I can get on my on. Mentally it will be the best direction for me. Just looking for real peace Janelle. Thank you for asking. I hope things are going well on your end. 😉

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