I'm exhausted -

I made homemade tortellacci and tortellini today. I started cooking at 8 am and I just finished at 4 pm. It takes me twice as long now as it used to.

I froze two dinners, so if I'm never able to do it again - The kid's will have a "taste" of my Grandmother's recipes - (even if I can't imagine Katie or Ryan rolling dough for hours!) and all the "family secrets" are written out for them, if they wanted to try.

I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions while the pasta dried. The pharmacist took one look at me and said "Cut down on the brocolli, Now!"

Guess I've been eating too much vitamin K - but, I wonder how he knew?

I guess I have a "thing" with my mortality today - wondering what I am speeding up .... in the process of just living.

Wondering what I'll leave behind when I die.

I haven't made a big impact on the world....

will I make a difference at all?

Kevin Farley once told me "your brother changed people's lives" ---

Will I?

Will you?

And will we care if we didn't change someone's life? If we did the best we could -

Maybe mortality is a subject best left to those who have faced death, and cheated him.

He made an appearance in my hospital room - but, only for a second, and I ignored Him the first time.

I'm obsessed tonight with the possibility of a second appearance.

I don't intend to be a statistic - but, I'll be glad when one year as a "Survivor" is over.

~V