I COULD GO ROUND AND ROUND ALL DAY IN CIRCLES WONDERING WHAT IF???? IN FACT ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS SAID HE WAS GOING TO RENAME ME "WHAT IF BRASHER", A LONG TIME BEFORE THIS STROKE, GUESS THAT DIDN'T CHANGE!!!!!

SO TODAY, I THINK I'LL EXPLORE "WHAT IF" IN A DIFFERENT MORE POSITIVE LIGHT.

WHAT IF?????????

1) I WAS NEVER BORN

LOTS OF STUFF FLOWS THROUGH MY MIND,BUT, IN THE MINDSEST OF "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE", ONE THING COMES TO THE FOREFRONT.

I HAVE ACTUALLY SAVED SOMEONE'S LIFE IN A PHYSICAL SENSE ONCE. BACK IN 1984 WHEN I WORKED FOR A BANK, I REALLY LIKED ONE OF THE EMPLOYESS, INGER. SHE WAS SWEET AND A REALLY GOOD PERSON. ONE DAY SHE WAS ROLLING A 500+ POUND MONEY SAFE FROM THE VAULT AND SOMEHOW SHE SLIPPED OVER THE HUMP IN THE FLOOR AND THE WHOLE THING FELL ON TOP OF HER.

THERE WAS MAJOR PANIC CALL 911!!!!!! MALE EMPLOYEES TRYING TO LIFT IT OFF OF HER, AND SHE WAS TURNING BLUE. SOME UNKNOWN ENERGY SWEPT THROUGH MY BODY AND I KNEW I COULD DO IT. I WAS ABOUT 115 LBS AT THE TIME. I JUST WALKED OVER AND LIFTED IT OFF OF HER WITH EASE. SHE HAD A FEW CRACKED RIBS AND A PUNCTURED LUNG, BUT SHE WAS OK. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT, IT JUST HAPPENED. I DO NOT THINK SHE WOULD HAVE LIVED, SHE DIDN'T EITHER.

I REMEMBER THINKING THAT DAY, WOW, I MUST BE HERE FOR A REASON??? I DIDN'T EVEN SUSTAIN A PULLED MUSCLE. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE LIVES SHE HAS TOUCHED SINCE THEN. THAT'S A GOOD FEELING.. I HAD'NT THOUGHT ABOUT IT UNTIL JUST NOW IN YEARS. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT EITHER, IT JUST HAPPENED. WHAT IF?

2) I HAD NEVER MARRIED THIS SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND

WELL, LOTS OF THINGS, BUT ONE STANDS OUT. BECAUSE OF HIS POOR DRIVING I WOULD HAVE NEVER SUSTAINED A HEAD INJURY LEADING TO THIS STROKE. I WOULD HAVE NEVER JOINED THIS SITE. I WOULD HAVE NEVER ENJOYED THE COMRADERY OF PEOPLE NOT UNLIKE MYSELF. I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE LIFETIME FRIENDSHIPS LIKE THE ONES I HAVE MADE HERE, AND MAYBE EVEN OTHER THINGS I HAVEN'T EVEN DISCOVERED YET, YEAH WHAT IF?

3) I HAD BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN?

WELL, THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. BUT FOR THE TIME BEING, I DON'T THINK I COULD HAVE GIVEN MY STEPDAUGHTER THE COMPLETE ONE ON ONE ATTENTION SHE SO DESPARATELY NEEDED. INSTEAD OF BEING THE BEAUTIFUL WELL ADJUSTED SMART GIRL SHE IS, SHE COULD HAVE ENDED UP LIKE HER BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. AND I WON'T EVEN GO THERE. WHAT IF

4) I HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOR?

I DON'T THINK I COULD MAKE IT THROUGH MOST DAYS. I WOULD BE A SULLEN, DEPRESSED, BORING OLD GRUMPY SOUR PUSSED FACED HAG, THAT'S WHAT. WITH NO JOY IN MY HEART TO SHARE WITH OTHERS. WHAT IF?

5) I HAD A BROTHER

THEN I DON'T THINK I'D FEEL AS STRONG A NEED FOR MALE FRIENDSHIP, AND MAN WOULD I HAVE MISSED OUT ON SOME GREAT FRIENDS!!!!!! NOW I HAVE BROTHERS, SEVERAL OF THEM, AND THEY ARE PRECIOUS TO ME. TO USE A "TWIST" ON THAT MOMMIE DEAREST QUOTE ABOUT ADOPTED CHIDREN ....."ADOPTED BROTHERS ARE THE LUCKIEST IN THE WORLD BECAUSE THEY ARE CHOSEN"...... OR AM I THE LUCKY ONE????? MMMMMM I THINK I AM.

WHAT IF

LIKE I SAID, I COULD GO ROUND AND ROUND IN THE "WHAT IF" CATEGORY. THOSE ARE A FEW THAT JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD.

WHAT IF HADN'T WRITTEN THIS BLOG AND ANSWERED THE PHONES LIKE I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE IN THE LAST THIRTY MINUTES?

I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT MYSTERY. I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TIME TO EAT THIS SANDWICH AND GET MAYO ALL OVER THE KEYBOARD, AND I WOULD BE UPTIGHT INSTEAD OF RELAXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, WHAT IF

KIM