i feel really good today. my wounds are healing, my car is being fixed, my psychotropic medications seem to be regulated, and we're going to Honolulu for a Narcotics Anonymous International Conference next week. John went back on his Lamictal, and his hostile, verbally violent temper went away, so he's back to his sweet, forgetful, slightly ditzy self, and i'm no longer planning to give him an arsenic chaser to his meds any more.

i am so grateful that i have friends here, friends in my offline world, my crazy parents, my difficult husband, my sponsee that calls me incessantly with her boyfriend troubles, my four attention-seeking kittydogs, my business, and my imperfect brain.

15. i just love and adore vacations that are business expenses.

this NA convention is, because i am a therapist/psychiatrist, a business expense and therefore a writeoff on my Schedule C (my accountant told me years ago that i can write off all of my 12-step conventions, books, etc. as business expenses. the money we give when they 'pass the basket' we write off as a charitable expense on our Schedule A) so, since i registered for the convention as well as John, i get to write off the entire trip, which is pretty inexpensive as far as trips to Hawaii go, except for John's airfare, meals, and conference fee (the room is the same rate single or double) see America and cruise the Western hemisphere by tax write-off. it's a beautiful thing, and it's perfectly legal. i got audited once, and the government (state/federal) wound up owing me approx. $2500

16. i am so grateful to the miracles of modern medicine that allow me to function.

the most serious/extreme permanent sequelae of my stroke is severe depression when i am not taking antidepressants. this was not the case before i stroked and both my neurologist and all of the textbooks/articles i have read tell me that it is a biological consequence of the stroke. whenever things are going very well for a long period of time, and i stop the meds, i get severely depressed. my two other major sequelae are emotional lability and fatigue.

i have finally hit on the right combination of antidepressants, Wellbutrin-Sr 150 mg in the morning, and Lexapro 10 mg at bedtime, that seems to mostly take care of all three issues. my physical health has been pretty good with the medication cocktail that i'm taking for my hypothyroidism and my antiphospholipid antibody syndrome (both autoimmune diseases)

John also has definite psychiatric sequelae from his head injury. He was put on Lamictal before when he did not have a verbally violent, abusive side, but as an adjunct to the antidepressant that he was on. he didn't need it before the accident, i think, but it seems like he needs it now.

my dad is alive, lucid, and, although paralyzed, in better physical health now than he was during the last approx two years. he has the same controlling, manipulative personality that he has had for the 50 years that i know him. september 10 is his two year stroke anniversary. he would not be alive without the uneven miracles of modern medicine. i don't think that i would, either.