i had a meltdown on Sunday evening and told John that since i had to take care of myself through my stroke, my dad's stroke and our car accident, with no help from my parents, my first husband, or him, i didn't want to work or do anything except sit and play computer games for the rest of my existence. this was after John not doing anything to process or compensate for his brain injury since he received the MRI report documenting it, with the attitude of 'since i have this injury, i might as well sit down with my head up my a** and suck his thumb

(Jean-there is a great article in yesterday's Science Times about cursing. follow this link: NY Times Cursing)

monday John purchased some makeup for my from Sephora, an Ethernet Cable, and 2 bus tickets to the March on Washington Saturday 9/24. he is starting to show improvement. we ordered $200 worth of groceries on Fresh Direct-you order online, pay 4.95 for shipping (we didn't have to pay it this time because we used an e-check), choose a delivery time, and these nice man drive up in a Fresh Direct truck and deliver your groceries to your door. It's so nice and convenient, especially for a couple where the woman can't be bothered because she has nations to run and the man gets lost in the frozen food section, leaving his grocery list on top of the Cool Whip Free.

tuesday those nice men at Fresh Direct came early and delivered the goods before John got home. since it was mostly frozen foods, i stuffed as many of the boxes of Lean Cuisine and tubs of low-fat sorbet and ice cream in the freezer that i could and left the rest of the Lean Cuisines on the floor to take downstairs to the big freezer. since we ordered some pancake and waffle mix, i went to the food cabinet, where i rarely go since i don't cook, to see if the Bisquick was still good. i looked in and was assaulted be mealy bugs! UGH!! there were hundreds of bodies in the Bisquick, the pancake mix that John had used last Sunday, the cocoa, the cabinet floor...IT WAS TOTALLY GROSS!! John has been making pancakes since late August...WHY DIDN'T HE LOOK IN THE CABINET? WHAT IS HE, BRAIN-DAMAGED? well, of course he is. so i gritted my teeth, threw out all of the infested boxes, cleaned out hundreds of mealy bug bodies, killed a few live ones (they flew threw my hair...GROSS!! the cats, though, were quite interested), took the entire package to the garbage room and threw it down the chute, put all of the open breadstuffs in the frig, and then called John and informed him that when he got home, he would spend the rest of the evening taking out all of the cans and sealed boxes, putting the boxes into Ziplock bags, and cleaning out all of the cabinets with Chlorox Clean-Up. John came home, i showed him what to do, and i then went to the gym and worked out, went on the computer, called my parents, and watched TV. John informed me that some of the cans had burst and leaked out their contents, so he threw out all of the cans (except the tuna fish that he knew we bought at Costco less than a year ago, which was fine) and cleaned up all of the mess, including wiping every medicine bottle with a paper towel moistened with Chlorox Clean-Up (the bug bodies fell on the kitchen counter, where the medicine bottles were. he stayed up until 1:30 am cleaning, got up at 5am, refused a ride to work, and was into work by 8am.

i had a nice day. after about an hour of continuing to clean the kitchen and living room, i did a little bit of work, and spend the rest of the day with friends, reading the Times, or seeing my therapist.

John's upstairs, still cleaning the kitchen.

i think he's getting the message.

22. I HATE BUGS!!!!!!