Well, Friday Chris and I went to see the rehab doctor at the stroke and brain injury rehab in our area. She is not sure if the insurance company will approve an inpatient stay for Chris. She claims he is still very weak in the trunk area. If she can't get inpatient approved she will try for outpatient PT. She had also advised us that we will get family therapy. This will help me in being able to handle things with Chris. I am looking forward to this.

She said that Chris is still weak and has a long way to go. I can see on a daily basis how much he has improved since the day he came home. I told her all the things that he is capable of doing now. She had tried to get him to stand up but he cannot put any weight on his legs. She told us that she cannot promise that Chris will ever walk again. This had made Chris somewhat depressed. When we came home he was very quite and just wanted to go to bed and sleep. Latter that night he told me how he felt about what she had said. All Chris wants is to be able to stand up and start taking a few steps. During our conversation I had told him that he can never give up and that he can never stop doing his exercises. Nobody really knows what the future holds.

We where told that Chris' treatment after his strokes was not right in her opinion. She claims that he should have gone into rehab immediately after his stroke and not just dumped into a nursing home. Because Chris had only received about 5 weeks of therapy in over a year she said that the chances of him getting any better than he is now are very slim.

The one great thing that she did was to start Chris on Baclifin (spelling ??) for the pain that he has. She had explained to us exactly what was going on in his mucles and that the Flexeril would never help. She also told me to put ice not heat on any area where he was having pain. The past OT told me to use heat.

Today when I was helping him get washed and dressed I had noticed that he was not complaining of every movement hurting him and I had noticed that his legs and arms where easier to move - he wasn't as stiff. Chris told me that today was the first day in over a year that he didn't have pain. He always would rate his pain to be between 9 and 10 and today he said that his pain was about a 2. It was wonderful to see him not suffering for once. The next step that the doctor may try is Botox injections for the spasms and pain.

So in one way his appointment was good - seeing now that his pain is under better control without narcs but on the other hand it was somewhat disappointing - I don't think either one of us wanted to hear what she really had to say. It's alot to accept to be told that your husband will probably not walk again. I'm sure this is gonna take a few days to sink in - but in my heart I know that I will never give up on the fact that maybe someday Chris will stand and be able to take a few steps.