Today my sister came to look after Ray while I went off to the Lodge to see Mum. It is the same routine when I go on Fridays, cut up fresh fruit salad drive to the Lodge. There I walk in, sit down with her, wait for her to acclimatise to my presence, introduce the fruit salad, and watch her eat it. That can take up to 30 minutes, then we do various things. We usually walk that "circuit" (this is a dementia specific Lodge so a walking circuit is a must) and go to her room. Sometimes we sit in one of the side lounges and "read" a magazine. Just something to fill in the other 30 minutes.

Today one of the activities officers was making hats (it is for a 'party' for our National horse race the Melbourne Cup on Tuesday) so I join Mum at the scrap table and made up posies. That kept her amused and looked interesting so some of the other residents came by, mostly to take a few artificial flowers off the table and drop them in various places. When they moved on I picked them up again. When I went to leave the woman said:"Thank you for your help." which surprised me, I wasn't consciously helping, I was just being with Mum.

I usually thank my sister for staying with Ray. We've had a stormy relationship at times in the past so it is nice she comes at least once a fortnight now. She wasn't in a hurry so stayed for some left-overs for lunch, with salad leaves and cold meats as usual there was more than enough. Then she wanted to talk. She thinks the arrangement we have now is fine but she wants to take part in Ray's new therapies too so can I please make a note of the exercises and she will go through them with him? This is a surprise too. She does not usually volunteer extras so I am almost too astonished to say "Yes please".

I am aways complaining that no-one helps but now and again someone does volunteer to do something for us. I guess I just have to learn to be gracious and thankful. It doesn't always come when you want it, and the form it takes sometimes surprises you. But help is where you find it.