Its is now Saturday morning, I have put some bread on in the bread machine, on my second cup of tea( I will need at least two more before I feel human :big_grin: ). No one else is up, so I can get on the computer in peace.

Thank you guys for your comments :friends: thats why I keep coming back :party:

I think my feeling of being down started just before Christmas, when I had problems with my youngest son who is 15. I felt I wasn't dealing with it well. Happy to say that is now calmed down and everyone seems more relaxed. Mind you my eldest son has got exams next week so he isn't very calm, but I can cope with that ..just.

I am trying to do all the right things like exercise more, and eat more sensibly, but it doesn't seem to make much difference. We went for a walk last week end, not very far, but over rough ground and up a short hill. I had my stick with me and I managed, but it was a struggle.

It was a beautiful day crisp cold and sunny, I thought I should have managed better. That got me down. I am three years post stroke in May......maybe this is as good as it gets. Yes I know in some ways I am one of the lucky ones. I can manage pretty well, so I shouldn't complain.......but we always want more. Maybe thats how and why we get better because we always want more. We were talking about the early days the other day, certainly the improvements were more noticeable then. Now I suppose we are still improving but is not so easy to recognise it.

I have achieved some good things these past few weeks, coming here has made me think about that. Its not all bad.

Yesterday I had had enough, I was going to ask to increase my anti depressant again, but I didn't ( my gp is trying to wean me off them). I didn't ask because I thought I would burst into tears at any moment, I was trying to stay in control. If you cant burst into tears at your dr......well. She thinks I might be starting the menopause.... oh the joys.

When I come back I want to come back as a dog, or a bird. A big bird, like a raptor...... a golden eagle or a kite. A little fast merlin or perigrine wouldn't be bad. I digress.

So today is going to be the start of new phase on my life. Remind me I said that the next time I get down. I really do have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to look forward to. Sometimes it is easy to lose perspective.

Now it is time to shower and dressed.

I am going to tidy out a few kitchen cupboards. They haven't been down in at least three years. It doesn't matter that I cant do them all at once. If it takes a few weekends so be it.

Thanks for being there guys. :You-Rock:

I hope you all have a good weekend :thumbs up:

Mary