I spent time chatting with my mom today. A few days ago the bird I gave them 12 years ago died...it had been my pet but I was living with someone at the time who was allergic to him so I gave him to my parents. They are profoundly sad...missing the chirping and chatter that had become a part of their lives every day. On top of that, my mom is caring for my great aunt who had an intestinal blockage in March...had been in the hospital for two months, rehab for a month and is now home trying to relearn to walk and stuff. My aunt is 92. My mom hasn't stopped moving for months...is realizing that my aunt may need to go into assisted living because there is only so much she can do for my aunt at home now. My aunt is OK with that...she accepts it. Has always been a positive person and loves living so she just adapts and goes on living whereever she is. She is my idol!!!

I watch my mom and listen to her struggles. I realize my struggles are minimal by comparison. And then she said something wise...Jane is with you, she just can't be there for you right now. By keeping your distance, you ARE helping her with her healing, even if it doesn't feel that way. If you were pressuring her and trying to make contact, you'd just give her undue stress...something she doesn't need right now.

I mean I knew all of that, but when she put it together that way I understood it in a different way. I guess I am used to leaning on Jane in my moments of stress...and I have to learn how to lean on myself. Her love taught me a lot and gave me strength but that strength was within me, not her. I can't lean on her now and perhaps not into the future...she is weakened and can barely be there for herself right now. I have to be the strong one...I have to be the person on whom she can now lean...and be strong...and calm...and present...and a safe place for her to share her fears.

I knew all of this, but it was nice to be reminded...its too easy to forget... I suppose at 43 I can still listen to my mom...